Merely My Principles

Am back!

2009-08-19T19:20:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was exactly 5 months that I left this blog idle. Curse me if you want to, I deserve them. So, am not going to give any reasons whatsoever. Let it be. If I am in the right mood one fine day, I will share. Meanwhile, I want to bury the rubbish under the carpet first, we'll clean later!

What transpires me to write today, now? Of course.. its anger, frustration, you name it... all the negativities.

Aaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!!! GGGGrrrrrrrr!!! My claws are coming out now.... beware!

Actually I have no intention of writing or expressing matters yet, just to inform that I am coming back, beginning today.

We'll talk again later as today I got no mood to ponder, just to express 'geram'!

Till then....Kalambicara is trying hard to cool down...

'Tis the time...

2009-03-18T18:30:00.001+08:00

OMG ... its been about a month and a half I left this blog without any touch... apologies to those who keep peeping yet to no new posting :) Was too busy and too many things occupying my mind plus no mood and mental blocks and proscrastination and whatever lah...he he

Got two more days before my last physical day here at my present workplace. Thus, so much things need to be accomplished and been requested politely to do some tasks. Since I am heading a department, I can understand that its not easy for them at this crucial time of the year. So, being nice, I comply. I want to leave in good faith, leave sweet memories and most importantly to leave a mark. I believe I had achieve that in my tenure here for the last 2 years and 3 months. I have established self niche that is known throughout the organisation on some of my deliverables. Thats fine and sufficient too, me think so. :)

Why am I leaving? Well, frankly I thought this will be my last workplace before I retire, the ending of my career with fixed income. I truly enjoy what I am doing now plus the fact that the company is paying for my doctorate studies. The only setback was that I missed the adrenalin rush in my body. A resource centre is cool and so laid back, contradict to corporate communications which is very fast moving, hectic and so diverse. You also got a chance to go out of the office a lot and establish contacts aplenty. After all, corporate communications and public relations is my forte. Other most important reason is that I am going to somewhere much more secure, in its establishment and also its perks. I hope that the greener pastures that I have decided to go is really green. Insyaallah.

Enough said, the time has come for me to bid farewell to the acquitances that I met here. Should our path cross in future, let us acknowledge each other the good way. Wish me luck in my new endeavour...

Kalambicara has yet to clear most of her belongings here, gtg now..

25 Random Things

2009-02-02T18:36:00.004+08:00

In a blink, we are already in February 2009 and I realized that I did not post anything in January. Like I am so busy... busy making myself busy eh?

Btw two of my close friends mother passed away in January, at the time when both were not around. One was outstation and missed the funeral and the other one was not home when it happened. Condolences to both of you, my dear friends (you know who you are). AlFatihah to both aruah.

A colleague of mine, Yati, tagged me at my Facebook with 25 Random Things. I hereby cut and paste my response here too. Well, at least I have one posting today he he... So here it is:

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the application, then click publish.)

Yati tagged me. So Yati... heres my responses :) ...

1. I missed my youngest nephew, Hasif Zahin (1yr 3mths old), sooo much. Sayang, sayang Ayong...! This year, I will get another two more new additions to our family, Insyaallah.

2. I never had enough of holidays at the beach at any island. If possible, I want to go swimming in the sea every weekend.

3. I want to take one month off to go to an island, just to swim in the sea during the day and write a book at night. Can I do this fully paid by the company? Or any publisher? Nay...!

4. I dislike changing the bedsheet just because its too tiring to handle the heavy mattress, unless of course someone does it for me. (Pls do not get me wrong, I like fresh bedsheet and like to shop for bedsheet and had plenty of bedsheets at home, just tired of doing the changing, thats all.)

5. I don't know when I can clear the clutters in my bedroom, the piles are getting thicker each day. Semua benda pun I sayang... so camner? Keep procrastinating la jawabnya...

6. I wish that I have lots of money to settle all my debts and dispose the credit cards. I want to be a debt-free individual. (But of course not for the house and car loan, mana mampu daa..)

7. Its been so difficult for me to choose a handbag that I really like. I have been using the Lollipop handbag for almost two years already, dah naik kusam. Though ada la beli satu dua, but then tak suka and hand down to my sis... The ones that I like are mostly way off my budget... so kena sabor dulu.

8. I have not started anything on my PhD research yet, except the earlier proposal. Mati la first review with my supervisor end of March ni.

9. I am not a morning person. I always sleep again after the Subuh prayer. (I know this is not good.) When will I be a good sister or daughter and start preparing breakfast for everyone?

10. I have never been to the Berjaya Times Square since it opened. I would like to go there at least once.

11. I am looking forward to go to Pavillion, window shopping at least but nobody at home wants to accompany me yet. (Not that I can't go alone, but two is better than one, right?)

12. I like jungle trekking and had tracked most of the paths at Frazers Hill and Cameron Highlands and some paths in Bagan Lalang, Gombak, etc. In addition, I have been into caves and river excursions.

13. I have tried white water rafting and enjoyed it so much, especially in Sg. Pedas near Tenom Valley in Beaufort, Sabah. The scenery was awesomely magnificent and the train ride was such an experience. My adrenalin rushed like a broken dam!

14. I love snorkeling and never had enough of the wonderful underwater world. How I wish I can take diving as well ...but my heart condition now does not allow me to do all the above mentioned activities...hu hu... (unless curi-curi buat ssshh!)

15. I like to bake and try new recipes, but of late its been quite some time that I bake something. Sheer laziness eh? Not so lah. I usually take a good rest over the weekend since my health condition does not permit me to be hyperactive like before. What to do?

16. I have just finished reading 'Eat, Love and Pray' by Elizabeth Gilbert and 'Twilight' by Stephanie Myers. Now I am reading 'Love in the Time of Cholera' by Gabriel Garcia Marquez and 'New Moon' by Stephanie Myers. I read two books alternately at a time, thats my style.

17. I always do two things at one time i.e two focus. Its my nature of doing things as far as I remember. Eg. Studying while listening to music, watching television while browsing the internet, eating while watching television, bathing and exercising lightly in the bathroom, YM while in a meeting, browsing the internet in between writing a report and so on... he he he

18. I enjoy reading biodata of successful people, see pictures of the lifestyles of the rich and famous and always dream to be among one of them one fine day. (In my dream la...kan?) First biodata that I read was of Lee Iococca when I was in Form 4 (found in my uncle's room) and later when I was in my first year of varsity, I read again, borrowed from my auntie-in-law. Still remember the orange colour cover of the book with bold white title... So inspiring.

19. Sometimes I missed my late father so much and used to cry alone in my room (especially when theres slight hiccups in the family and I just could not shoulder anymore...huhu) or while driving especially near or on Father's Day when the radio deejays keep talking about fathers stuff etc. sob! sob!

20. I can watch channel 703 Asian Food Channel at Astro over and over. Same goes to channel 707 Travel and Living. But, I dislike the tatoo program such as Miami Ink, London Ink etc... what the heck do they show that when Malaysians mainly Muslim are not allowed to do so... still its on air... apa raa! Anyway, I am an ardent fan of Astro's documentary channels.

21. I love Japanese food so much. Never had enough of those sushis, bento set, unagi, miso soup, teppanyaki, california rolls, temaki...etc. My niece, Nur Naily Aishah, 5 years old, also likes sushi so much.

22. I need some money to renovate my kitchen. The previous extension has now shown some defects and needs renovation and upgrading asap. Money, money, money... (hum like Donald Trump's The Apprentice).

23. I know I am in need of an operation (may be two op) but I keep procrastinating to go for the check-up and consultancy at an established hospital. I know the company will be paying, but I think so much of the after effect, me not be around at work for long, etc. Must clear my mind on this and make the move fast.

24. I have never been to Europe and Down Under (incl. NZ) and wanted so much to go there but when and how and again the five letter words, signature of Donald Trump's programme...he he.

25. I really really really wish that I get the chance and sufficient funding to go for Umrah this year with my family. Insyaallah.

Phew! This tagging business is becoming like a self realization session pulak... Actually I need not be so frank there, but being me, honesty is my policy. So I guess, now most of you know my traits eh... whatever!

Kalambicara got to go off now... till then!

Last Day of Year 2008

2008-12-31T23:46:00.000+08:00

O' well...how time flies... No more regrets of the past. Let bygones be bygones. I do have some lessons learnt but it will be kept in my memory chest for future references and remininces if need be, merely for betterment but not to mourn...

Listed below are some of the things that have affected my well being in year 2008...

1. My contract for service as the Corporate Communications Consultant expired in January and I was then offered to head a new department known as the Knowledge Resource Centre. Like it or not, I took the challenge or else I will be jobless. And I truly am thankful to Allah swt for this opportunity. Being an avid reader, I feel like a fish in water, I blended well with library matters and learning the management of library/resource centre based on the job training. I love what I am doing now, seriously am, though my forte is Corporate Communications. Never before I look highly at librarians as I am now. Thinking back, I should have taken Library or Information Science instead of Mass Communications during my degree days... but again, everything happened for a reason and only Allah swt knows whats best for us, right? Whatever, I am a happy person now.

2. Due to my tight work schedule, I did not manage to give part time lectures to college students like I used to do before, thrice a week for evening classes. Soru miss sikit laa... Anyhow, I am so touched when two of my previous students came to see me prior to them departing to pursue studies abroad. They said, "Miss, we need to see you. We need to get your blessings." I am so touched. Indeed teaching/lecturing profession is something great. Now one of them is in the US and another in New Zealand. Both doing Corporate Communications. Btw fyi subjects that I used to teach are Corporate Communications, Brand Management, Contemporary Advertising, Customer Relations and Mass Media & Society.

3. My application to pursue Phd was successful when my proposal was accepted in July and I am now a doctorate student of UTM. Just settled my formal registration last week. Got my own student matric card, library access card, etc. It definitely is going to be a hectic year ahead, I know for sure. Actually its funny to think of my studying path. I had my degree in Mass Communications majoring in Public Relations. Then I continued with a Masters in Business Administration and now am pursuing Doctorate in Computer Science - focusing in Information Security. Three different areas altogother. May Allah swt provides me a smooth path in learning and completing my research. Amin.

4. I went to Bali for holidays with four of my colleagues and later called ourselves 'Geng Lulur' simply because we merrily went for spa together excitedly since some of us had never been to a spa before. Also because our hotel was next to a mini mart which sells very cheap lulur and every night we went there to 'borong' them till the shelves were empty and the shop owner did not manage to replenish them timely. Bali was great, beautiful, serene and so natural. I love everything about Bali. I will definitely go there again.

5. Went to Cherating a few times and got so hooked with Hai Peng Kopitiam in Kemaman. Had a bliss with my niece and nephews on the beach. I want to note here that Impiana Cherating is one great hotel with spacious room and an ambience so cozy and homely. The beach front is beautiful too. I love the satar, the keropok lekor and the nasi dagang there in Kemaman. An evening in Kuala Kemaman with the sweet and salty breeze from the sea and smells of freshly boiled keropok lekor, grilled satar and otak-otak really entice me and makes me longed to go there again soonest possible.

6. Escaped to Tioman Island with an ex-colleague, just the two of us, and had what I called a real holiday, without any disturbance from office. Why? Because of no coverage, thus no emails received via my blackberry and so no worries at all of office matters. The island hopping was great, the snorkeling was fun and satisfying, the water was crystal clear, the underwater world was magnificent and so magical, I was mesmerised. I spent most of my time in the sea than in the chalet. Indeed I felt so relief, fresh and anew after this escapade. I am really a water person (is there such statement eh?)!

7. Office politics, resignation of top guns, arrival of newcomers, bragging of their past achievements and success stories elsewhere, noviceness of some superiors on certain matters, lackadaisical attitude of some staff, backbitting, ass licking and all the likes, really created a momentum at work. Some times we were so pissed off and other times we were accepting and learning to shut off. Whatever, its all part and parcel of a workplace situational analysis and organisational behaviour. Anywhere, its the same. There is a choice, take it or leave it. Not standing on the fence and be a hypocrite. My only plea is that hopefully no talking or complaining or gossiping about matters like these anymore. Or rather, do not share with me. I do not want to know, do not want to hear. It gets nowhere. It just gets me wanna vomit. I just want to do my work and achieve my departmental KPI. Period.

8. Took my mum and sisters for a holiday in Langkawi. Had a wonderful time shopping. Yes, shopping. That was indeed the plan. Apart from visiting some historical places, of course. But, still the main agenda then was shopping. We, or rather my mum, really shopped till she dropped tired. Poor mum, did a lot of walking in Langkawi than in her lifetime, I guess. Bought some Corelle crockeries (to add to our existing collection of European Herbs), some Corningware caseroles of the same theme, about two dozens of batik sarong, a Scholl sandal for me, a Clark sandal for adik, lots of chocolates and three perfumes; J'dore by CD, Princess by Vera Wang and Incredible Me by Escada. Adik was the happiest. She bought the Clark sandal on her own and she ate chocolates there like drinking water... seriously she had chocolates for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Also during morning break, tea break and supper... in fact, she only stopped when shes asleep! She was so hyperactive then. Not like when shes at home... We really had a bliss in Langkawi and I am glad that I managed to make this vacation in Langkawi a reality. We went with just two luggage but came back with seven. Thank God that it was MAS and not AirAsia or else we will have so much to pay for the check-in bags/boxes.

9. I had the opportunity to meet Tun Mahathir and Tun Siti Hasmah during the recent Workshop on Leadership for Librarians and Information Professionals, held at the Perdana Leadership Foundation. I also had a chance to ask Tun Mahathir a question during 0ne of the sessions and put my company's name in the limelight. The best was when I managed to speak one-to-one and face-to-face with both Tun Mahathir and Tun Siti Hasmah. Plus, had my pictures taken just the two of us, with each of them and later with both of them. Also, got both of them to sign my caricature book of them (written by Eu Yu) which I brought all the way from home and received a personalised wishes from both Tuns written nicely. Am contented. Am impressed with Tun Mahathir's ideas, opinions and reading habits. Am amazed with Tun Siti Hasmah's gracefulness, an etiquette to master by all ladies. Such a lovely intellectual couple. Great idols. It made me think... how I wish I will grow old being brilliant and articulate and able to think well like them...

10. I thought I have found love again in 2008. Now I guess it was just infatuation. I was never lucky in love. There were times when you felt you were needed but there were also times when you felt that you were being ignored. I felt both, at one point. Now I just couldn't be bothered anymore. Enough is enough. Having all those feelings made me become a dreamer. I tend to put aside many things that I needed to do and I spent most of my time by just lying down and let myself float. Float, float and away...! (I actually fell asleep dreaming!) It was indeed not healthy. It was my sheer imaginations and self created feelings. I became lazy. I was in my own world. World full of fantasy. No promises and no future. Its just me and the knight in shining armour. The one that touched my heart then. Huh! Thank God, I came to realization fast. The knight was not actually the Prince Charming. May be not yet. I quickly came back to reality. I will never let myself into this again. No, no, no... this is utterly ridiculous. I am not a teenager anymore. Thinking back, that experience really evoke my senses, make me realized certain things and most of all, it made me more mature and a much better person.

Ok, I guess my 10 points is sufficient to end year 2008. A chapter is about to be closed. Many more things did happened but let it be my self-kept stories. A new chapter is about to begin in less than half an hour. Goodbye 2008! Lets embark into year 2009 with big great strides...

Kalambicara is rushing to watch the countdown of the new year on tv... till we meet again in 2009... Cheers!

Salam Maal Hijrah 1430

2008-12-30T16:33:00.001+08:00

Its been more than a month that this blog is left idle, full of cobwebs eh? I know... I am aware...just that the drive is not there for me to begin writing, too many reasons to state here and of course being busy and having a tired body, mind and soul are among them... :)

Anyway, I guess it is not too late for me to wish all my Muslim readers Salam Maal Hijrah 1430. Today is already the second day of Muharam, new month of the new year in the Muslim's calendar.

Hopefully this year will be a much better year for me and also for my family. I do have some resolutions, some things to achieve, some dreams to be fulfilled and some missions to be accomplished. Insyaallah I will strive hard and with blessings from Allah SWT, the road ahead will be with less or no obstacles.

A friend once said that sometimes Allah breaks our spirit to save our soul. He breaks our heart to make us whole. He sends us pain so we can be stronger. He sends us failure to make us humbler. He sends us illness so we can take care of ourselves. Sometimes Allah takes everything from us so we can learn the value of everything He's given us... Allah is great!

So dear all muslims, Salam Maal Hijrah 1430. May all that you wish for in the new year come true! Amin! Insyaallah!

Kalambicara is signing off with fresh new hopes and wishes for the new year 1430H...

Budak Kelantan

2008-11-03T19:22:00.004+08:00

Out of depression and upsetness last Friday (as per my last posting), I went for a movie. An unplanned one. While still working on a report at the office, a friend of mine (a Lecturer from the uni where I did my part time lecturing) buzzed me, inviting me to a movie entitled 'Budak Kelantan'.

Honestly, little did I know theres a movie on this title. She said another colleague of her told her that the story is interesting. The timing was right. I need a break and automatically said yes to her. We went to Alamanda Putrajaya and watched it at GSC. Something really got into me that day that I accepted the invitation. It was the second time in my life I went for a Malay Movie. The first was Cinta Kolestrol long time ago with my cousin. But this time it was special because I went to see 'Budak Kelantan' straight from work on a Friday in a Baju Kurung. Can you imagine? I totally forgot about my appearance.

Anyhow, I did enjoy myself. Not so much of the storyline or what but the fact that I got to listen to Kelantanese dialect in a whole movie and am proud of the language uttered. Seriously. Being a Kelantanese myself and been residing in KL since 1983, some of the words used in the movie remininced me of my growing up days in Kuala Krai and Kota Bharu. Nowadays, we still speak Kelantanese, of course, but not all words. For example, the word run or 'lari', we used to say 'ungga' but now we seldom use the word, instead we said, 'lari' as well. And many more. I smiled and laughed a lot merely listening to the words spoken.

For the review of the story, please go to this link. Funny thing is that its written in both Kelantanese dialect and English version. See if you can understand the Kelantanese version, found it while browsing.

http://miloskilos.wordpress.com/2008/11/02/budak-kelantan-my-review/

All in all, I rate the movie as 3.5 out of 5. Reason: Not all Kelantanese are as depicted in the movie. It is definitely not representative, just a scenario of one group. Should highlight those successful ones too. In that movie, the successful ones are graduates of UM but with no permanent job and selling burger and drinks by the roadside. Can do better actually... he he.. Not to forget, the dikir barat songs, so nostalgic,with photos of the places enroute KB-KL. Anyhow, it was a good and entertaining movie. I forget my unhappiness on that day. Hopefully theres a sequel to the film. Well done.

Kalambicara is still smiling recalling Jaha's conversation with Buchek when they first met :)

Aaaarrrggghhh!!!

2008-10-31T10:39:00.004+08:00

Today, on my way to office, while driving, I was screaming my heart out. Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

Reasons:

1. Along the route, at different locations, I came across three proton saga cars crawling worst than tortoises in a fast lane. One was talking on a handphone. Another was smoking with one hand out, shaking off the ashes of the cigarette butt on and off. The final one was just sight seeing I guess cos' there were no cars at all in front of him, and he was taking the damn sweet time observing the scenery along the road, in a fast lane and couldn't care less about me tailing! My question: Why these type of human beings drive a Proton Saga? It enhances the bad reputation of the brand name whereas the driver(s) should be at fault. Sigh.

2. I got 6 messages coming in my handphone while driving and a few calls non stop ringing. Hello, I am driving and will never slow down to read messages or answer to calls and I do not like to wear a handsfree, can't stand the little speakers in my ears. Also, even if I on the speaker, I can't really hear well (my music is at full blast, of course!) and I do not want to look like an insane driver, speaking to oneself (though I do not mind singing out loud, tapping my fingers on the steering, tapping my feet on the pedal and/or shaking my head left and right while driving). Hey, its my principles ok? Unless, if the hp keeps on ringing like a zillion times, then I will signal and stop by the roadside. On top of it all, my blackberry too was non stop buzzing and the red signals keep blinking, meaning emails or messsages are coming in, non-stop. Aiyo... so tension ma... tak sampai office lagi, baru pukul 8.55 am dah ada 23 emails and needed my response. Phew!

3. I was thinking hard of the departmental KPI (Key Performance Indicators) and its evaluation next week. I have solid justifications for two of the eight initiatives that was rated a bit low but for me to say it out loud during the evaluation session will affect the well being of my superiors. Some of the delays were due to changes after changes and finally back to the first one, without taking into consideration on time. Time is the essence. The undecisiveness and 'not that great decisions' (don't want to say lousy, though it actually is 'lousy decisions') affect my departmental performance. And, worst still, I have to answer and rebutt, me...moi... ok!

4. One of my staff is giving me problems. I found out that a few things were not done accordingly. I do not see the urgency in accomplishing work. A few completed tasks were later found incomplete, wrong, not as briefed (though I saw notes were taken during the briefing) and the list goes on. I had spoken to this staff, not once but thrice... and still I found the errors. What more, tasks assigned to this staff, was never submitted on time. Procrastinate or forgetful or plain novice of what deadline is? Looks like I need to slowtalk again... but till when... tak reti2 ke... tak faham, tak tahu...tanye laa. As a result of this staff incapabilities and not meeting my standards (he he I ada benchmark and expectations of my team), another staff keep complaining to me because this person got to redo the other persons wrongdoings or uncomplete tasks or merely plain rechecking, out of curiousity after a few errors found. Marah la yg sorang ni. And, telinga mak ni dah tak larat nak dengar...tu yg mak pikir-pikir sampai menjerit sekuat hati dlm keter tuh. Adus!

5. I plan to go for a 3D2N holiday in Singapore this December. Imagine, my last trip there was in 1990! Need to book Tiger Airways asap if I am really going. But I am contemplating now. I have always wanted to go to New Zealand (NZ). And now, NZ dollar is lower than Singapore Dollar, pikir2 its better to go to NZ. Accomomodation, I have a friend doing PhD there and she keeps pestering me to visit her. Now I am confused. This year I only managed to go to Bali, Cherating and Tioman Island. On top of this all, last night I rasa terpanggil seruan Ilahi... so rasa nak gi Mekah. Seriously. Am not kidding. Never felt this before. A few days ago pun dah rasa and had told Flower Girl about it. Now ni musim haji and a few of my relatives and friends are going. Lagi terasa lak. Dok jalan2 seantero dunia, Mekah tak penah pegi lagi..huhuhu. Feel so bad pulak. Kalau mum tau, sure lagi dia nasi tambah, he he he. So camner, am a bit confused now. Last2 ni, sure tak ke mana2. To umrah, kena lepas musim haji nanti la... tahun depan la Insyaallah.

Alamak! Panjang la pulak posting ni jadik. Dari nak lepas geram je, konon satu para je... thats normal me la... in fact, kalau dibiarkan I can go on writing everything that is in my head now. Ni pun banyak I control macho dan tapis, buat mental screening. Kalau tidak satu dunia akan mengenali isi perut ku...mua ha ha ha.

Feel good now... Out of my chest dah, lega sikit. Masalah tu tetap ada, but sekurang-kurangnya I tak rasa tertekan sangat. Insyaallah I can manage and handle with care. Selalunya fitrah Kalambicara ni, risau je lebih, lepas tu kacang je... bak kata one of my seniors and roommate (for three semesters) masa belajar dulu, "You ni suka je risau, suka je nyusahkan diri, benda tak der ape. Lepas tu semuanya you boleh solve nanti. Tak faham I!" Yes, Kak Ju (Juliana Omar, formerly with Bernama, now with Petronas), I ingat tu. :)

Kalambicara is sigining off with high hopes that all will be settled and overcomed smoothly, Insyaallah.

Thats it!

2008-10-29T04:23:00.000+08:00

Like I mentioned in my first blog dated 1 Oct 2007, I am known among friends at previous workplace as the "Lady of Principle" and friends during MBA days used to call me, "Miss Powerhouse" and these two names are synonym with me for quite some time.

My point... today I uphold these two names with dignity. Pantang I ialah bila seseorang tu boleh kata I macam-macam which are not true and exaggerated, straight to my face or behind my back, and I got to know it... jangan harap I boleh ketawa2 lagi dengan orang tu...Worst still, if that person(s) can tegur2 and talk to me like nothing happened before.

I am no hypocrite. How can I joke, have fun or even eat and be merry with you when earlier you said things so much about me. I know this is not about me personally but still it affects me and my well being. I will not forget. The wound maybe will heal but the scar will always be there. I reiterate: I can never forget. Can never erase it from my thoughts. It will be embedded in my mind. Yes, I am hurt. And, I will not forget those untrue things that you said to me especially on my work performance. Hello... how do you measure? I do not want to blame you but I do have all the justifications, reasons and evidences. Dare you tell lies...!

As a result to all these hulaboo... I just cannot make myself smile with you anymore, let alone to talk about things other than work. So, I made up my mind, not to join lunch as organised today. Honestly, I do not know the purpose of this luncheon, it was quite abrupt and out of the blues. Whatever, I just do not have the heart to go, thats all. Period. I have come to the point already. No regrets. No turning back. Come what may...

Kalambicara is a bit upset with some matters and words expressed by some people today...gtg

Dingin - Ziana Zain

2008-10-14T19:39:00.000+08:00

Dingin malam yang menyelubungi
Hening sayu dalam hati
Berbicara bersendirian

Ku rasa resah
Selama dibuai rindu
Pada cinta yang terlalu
Terpendam di dalam khayalan

Kan ku leraikan impian indah
KepadaNya ku berserah
Mungkin tak daya
Ku tawan cinta yang sama

*chorus
Dinginnya getaran asmara
Sentuhan mula bermadah
Ku tak bisa juarai
Jiwa yang ku tak punya

Dinginnya bila kau berkata
Ruang buat ku tiada
Memoriku gengamilah
Biarkan aku beralah

Dalam hatiku tiada dendam
Walau impian semalam
Masih mekar dalam ingatan

Kan ku leraikan impian indah
KepadaNya ku berserah
Mungkin tak daya
Ku tawan cinta yang sama

oo hooo ooooo…

Kalambicara is suddenly feeling so cold... gtg now :(

Think & Act Like A CEO

2008-10-13T20:15:00.000+08:00

This morning we had our weekly Operations Meeting. Due to the Raya holidays and all, we did not have the meeting for the last two weeks.

This meeting was chaired by the CEO himself and attended by all Heads of Departments (HODs) in our organisation. The main objective of this meeting is actually to allow HODs to bring up any issue direct to CEO's immediate attention and get the solution or feedback there and then.

Anyway, a meeting is a meeting lah.... so I guess you all know the process of a meeting. Am not going through the details here. Just that there was this one statement that I could not forget. The CEO said that we all, HODs, have to think and act like a CEO.

At that very moment, I smiled. Can I also earn an income like a CEO? How I wish...

Back at work after the meeting, I publicised one book available at KRC (Knowledge Resource Centre) via email to all members of the management. The title is 'Speak Like A CEO' by Suzanne Bates. Not long after, someone came to KRC and borrowed the book. Good.

Kalambicara is still smiling recalling the positive effect of the CEO's remarks.

Its My Day!

2008-10-11T21:04:00.000+08:00

Today, 11 October, is my birthday, my day.

I started receiving birthday wishes since the last three days. Thanks a zillion to all for the wonderful thoughts.

So, what did I do on my day? Well, with my mum and sisters, we went to Mid Valley and The Gardens. I called this visit to shopping complex as my retail theraphy. It was really healing and I truly enjoyed and never had enough. Met my brother and his wife there and together we window shopped and had lunch.

My initial intention was to get a handbag, a perfume and a new facial care set. I have set the brand that I wanted. Anyway, am not going to reveal them here. My current Lollipop handbag is almost seasoned. My current perfume, Aigner Black by Etienne Aigner is almost at its last drop. So is my Glamourous by Britner Spears. And, lastly I need to act fast on the pores and wrinkles on my almost sagging face! :) Doesn't it look like I really need all these items? I do, right?

Talking about treating myself, in the end, I bought nothing. Reason, the brand of the handbag that I aimed for was not there. Have to go to either KLCC or Pavillion. As for the perfume and the facial care set, I was so frustrated when I compared the prices there with the ones I saw at the duty free in KLIA. I should have bought them during the promotion at KLIA before boarding the flight to KB during the recent Raya. Arrrggghhh!! Not only the prices differ, but the extras given in the package was so much attractive. So, being quite thrifty nowadays (as the economy too is on the downturn - blame it there!), I decided not to embark yet. Maybe I will wait till the Christmas Sale soon or on my next trip somewhere.

After Mid Valley and The Gardens, we went to an auntie's house in Putra Heights for a Raya gathering. Oh well... found the nasi dagang now... my auntie made nasi dagang with gulai ikan tongkol, kerutup ayam and gulai udang. Also theres nasi impit and kuah kacang and laksa. Yum yum yummy...

All in all, thats how I spent my day, nothing extraordinary this time but had a great time with my family. Btw, I am not sad or down or feeling emotional or lousy today. I am okay. Maybe this age is coming to me already, he he he. Accepting the fact of life, thankful to Allah swt that I am still alive and kicking. I am not upset even when I did not receive the one wish that I was earlier hoping for. It was understandable and I had already anticipated it. So, no hard feelings at all. I am happy. I had a simple day but a great one, today, on my birthday, with my loved ones i.e members of my family. Alhamdulillah.

Kalambicara is signing off while humming "Happy Birthday to me...happy birthday to me...!"

Ceria Beraya

2008-10-10T19:23:00.000+08:00

Its now ten days of Syawal and many are still in the Raya mood. Me, still not had enough of the Raya food. Till now, I have not tasted the Lontong and Lodeh, Soto, Nasi Dagang, and the like yet. We celebrated the first three days of Raya here in KL and another three days in KB. We went back to KB not so much for celebrating Raya but more to celebrate a cousin's wedding i.e my Aunite Mo second son's wedding.

As I was still working on the eve of Raya, so not much baking was done this time around. I managed to bake only three types of cookies namely Biskut Mazola, Choc Chip Cookies and White London Almond, as compared to my usual six or seven types. For cakes, I baked one fruit cake, one orange cake and plenty of cupcakes with butter frosting. I only bought some pineapple and roselle tarts and some 'kuih batang buruk'. I did received a few containers of cookies from some business contacts as well, so that added to a few varieties on the coffee table. Oh btw I also prepared some toffee from the recipe given by Villas, my colleague. It was quite a favourite among those with sweet tooth. My mum made Nasi Hujan Panas (colourful rice) with Ayam Masak Merah, Dalca, Acar Mentah, Sambal and Kerutup Daging. Best giler! Also theres my mum's specialty and all time family favourite, the ketupat pulut kacang in daun palas. In addition, we bought some lemang and beef rendang. But, I forgot to snap photos of these food on the main table...hu hu...too busy entertaining...

Anyway, see the photos below for some of our Raya and wedding celebrations both in KL and KB this Syawal 1429H...

My mum, me, my uncle and his wife, at my house.

Replenishing the cupcakes, the hottest kuih raya...

With my uncle and cousin, all born in the same year!My mum (leaning against the wall), my sis, my aunties and a cousin.

The bride and groom (my cousin, Nik Nadzmen), at the bride's house.The newly wed, again, at the groom's house.

From the groom to the bride.

From the bride to the groom.

My mum, my sisters, my aunties, my cousins & an uncle, at the groom's house(my auntie's house) in Pasir Mas. Shes in white tudung.

My sis, my uncle and my cousin at my house... Namastee!

My mum's famous sweet ketupat pulut with black eye peas

(before being wrapped in daun palas).The ketupat pulut after being wrapped, ready for steaming. The dessert on the coffee table...

With my cousin, Farha, at my house.

Photos below are some 'kuih raya' that I made i.e self made, home made...

Choc Chip Cookies

Biskut Mazola

Cupcakes

Slices of Orange Cake

Slices of Fruit Cake

Toffee

Well... thats how I celebrated 1st of Syawal 1429H. It was tiring, but I had fun, especially being together with my siblings and meeting relatives. Travelling with my siblings was full of laughter. Took a flight with mum back to KB and traveled back to KL in a car, another sis of mine took the flight with mum. It will be too tiring for mum to be in a car for more than 8 hours. All in all, the last Raya enhanced our bonding and love for each other. Hopefully, next raya will be even better. Insyaallah.

Kalambicara is happy and contented now...

Salam Aidil Fitri 1429H

2008-10-01T21:07:00.000+08:00

To all Muslim followers of my blog, heres wishing you "Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri and Maaf Zahir Batin". To the rest of the readers, "Happy Holidays".

Andai ada tersilap bicara

Andai ada terkasar bahasa

Andai ada terguris rasa

Andai ada tercipta sengketa

Ampun dan maaf dipinta

May we all have a blessed and meaningful Eid this time around.

Salam Aidil Fitri from the bottom of my heart.

Kalambicara got to rush for some last minute prep...

Seatbelt Attraction

2008-09-19T04:55:00.000+08:00

I am always amazed with kids... especially those less than a year old. They will be interested in EVERYthing and will try hard to catch hold and bite... yes...BITE... to taste, maybe.

Pix below is my beloved nephew Hasif Zahin bin Roshidi. They were captured three months ago when I visited him in Kemaman. It happened in the car and I was at the passenger seat. Watch and read the storyline...

1. The seatbelt really mesmerised him, a temptation he could not resist...

2. "I got it, I got it... the taste is fine with me..."

3. After being stopped by me... looking straight at me, nasib tak nangis!

4. And ... when I ignored him ... back to his attempt... very determined.

5. "Yum..yum...yummy...! At last I have tasted it, the seatbelt!"

Well... thats my nephew... 7 months old at that time. Hopefully, he'll grow up to read this blog and laugh his heart out. But, will I still be around then?

Kalambicara signing off with a mixed feeling now...

Warisan

2008-09-19T03:59:00.000+08:00

Actually, I do not like to talk about whats in the news nowadays. I do not see the news value or news worthiness there anymore. Not like newswriting before... Its not that I do not know whats happening in the country and around the world. I do. But from various other sources, not so much from the mainstream media.

With whats happening in the country at present, I have this odd patriotic feeling. My mind goes way back during my orientation days decades ago in ITM, now UiTM. We were asked to sing this song over and over... and till now I can still recall the lyrics... and it really touch my heart every time I hum this song. For all ITM breeds out there, I guess you know this song well... The title, if I am not mistaken is Warisan:

Anak kecil main api
Terbakar hatinya yang sepi
Air mata darah bercampur keringat
Bumi dipijak milik orang

Nenek moyang kaya raya
Tergadai seluruh harta benda
Akibat sengketa sesamalah kita
Cinta lenyap di arus zaman

Indahnya bumi kita ini
Warisan berkurun lamanya
Hasil mengalir ke tangan yang lain
Pribumi merintih sendiri

Masa depan sungguh kelam
Kan lenyap peristiwa semalam
Tertutuplah hati terkunci mati
Maruah peribadi dah hilang

Kini kita tinggal kuasa
Yang akan menentukan bangsa
Bersatulah hati bersama berbakti
Pulih kembali harga diri

Kita sudah tiada masa
Bangunlah dengan maha perkasa
Janganlah terlalai teruskan usaha
Melayukan gagah di Nusantara (repeat 3x)

Kalambicara is thinking, "How 'bersatu' are we now... to be 'gagah di nusantara'!"

What is the time Mr. Tiger?

2008-09-13T19:24:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not, it’s almost 4.30 am on Sunday, 14 September 2008 and I am still wide awake, doing office work!

As of now, I am not feeling sleepy yet. I guess I will wait till ‘sahur’ and the ‘subuh prayer’ before I take a rest. I am working using my laptop in front of the television downstairs. Upstairs, my sister, a final year Quantity Survey student, is wide awake too. She is finishing her thesis.

Actually, there was no intention on my part to do work at wee hours like this. But, since my sis requested me to accompany her (so that there is another soul awake in this house and not her alone at this odd hours), and I do have unfinished tasks, so here I am, active like a bat eyeing for food before daylight comes.

Earlier I was watching documentaries via the Astro channels, one after the other, until I got bored, thus switched to this laptop. And out of boredom too, drove me to updating this blog at present, between work.

(I know the remarks my mum will make if she later realizes what I am doing at this time. Well, she will say, “Jago male tengok tv ko, buak kejo ko, buleh pulok. Cubo kalu bangun dok baco Quran ko, semaye sunat gapo-gapo ko, lagi baik, tamboh bule-bule poso gini…”) Obviously you will know that we are Kelantanese.

Well, she has a point. Mum is always right… but….ermm… Never mind, I rest my case now.

Kalambicara needs to focus back on her work now…

Excruciating Pain or Pedih Menusuk Kalbu

2008-09-12T04:45:00.000+08:00

For this particular post, I am writing in Bahasa Melayu (BM)... To those BM Experts out there, you may judge me and see how I score...

Pernah terdetik tak di hati kalian satu perasaan yang sayu dan hiba? Sayu sehingga menusuk kalbu. Bukan satu kesedihan yang nyata. Cuma satu perasaan yang membuatkan diri, hati dan perasaan terasa amat sebak, sayu dan hiba...

Sudah lama aku tidak mengalami perasaan sedemikian, tetapi malam tadi... perasaan itu menyinggah di hati dan sanubari... terasa benar... sehingga air mataku menitis membasahi pipi... tanpa disedari.

Mungkin dek banyak perkara yang bermain di benak fikiranku... dan tiada yang dapat ku luahkan melainkan kepadaNya jua. Pilu... amat pilu ku rasakan. Perit pun ada.

Titisan air mata dan kesayuan yang ku alami itu benar-benar memberikan satu keinsafan. Elok juga perasaan itu melanda diri ini. Sekurang-kurangnya aku berpeluang berteleku dengan lebih khusyuk mengadapNya dan berserah. Ku bermuhasabah. Hanya Dia yang mengetahui segala yang berlaku dan bakal berlaku.

Perasaan sebegini datang tanpa dipinta. Dia jua yang menjadikan ku dilanda badai kepiluan dan kesyahduan sebegitu. Dia yang Maha Mengetahui.

Aku pasrah. Aku redha. Aku sedar. Aku akur. Aku berserah...

Kalambicara needs to be alone now...

Flashback - Bali

2008-08-12T12:26:00.000+08:00

I went to Bali during the recent Vesak Holiday in May. Since some of my friends complained that my blog is lacking pictures, thus here I am posting just some of the photos taken in Bali. I tried not to put those that has been posted by some of my friends in their blogs or Friendster or Facebook...whatever. So here are some of them... Apologies for no captions... lazy laa... Let the pictures speak for themselves...

I think I like Bali. I fell in love with Ubud, love the scenery of the paddy fields on the way to Ubud, love the Pasar Ubud and all the merchandise there, love the art galleries along the road (bought a piece myself - an abstract), love the creativity of the Balinese and am so amazed at their crafting skills. Also, impressed with their devotion towards their beliefs.

Deep in my heart, I have made up my mind... I would like to go to Bali again and specifically to Ubud. I want to rent a villa with small stream and a private pool and to wake up in the morning with the fresh air from the greens of the paddy fields and picturesque view of the paddy terrace... and my other half hugging me in the open balcony... (phew! what a dreamer I am, eh?)

Well, as they say... Life is but a dream... so a Dreamer I will be... :)

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream

When I want you in my arms

When I want you and all your charms

Whenever I want you, all I have to do is

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream

When I feel blue in the night

And I need you to hold me tight

Whenever I want you, all I have to do is

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam

I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine

Anytime night or day

Only trouble is, gee whiz I'm dreamin' my life away

I need you so that I could die

I love you so and that is why

Whenever I want you, all I have to do is

Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam

Arhh...! This Everly Brothers song spontaneously comes to my mind every time I dream... and I have been dreaming a lot lately... really got to wash my face lah! Wake up! Wake up!

Kalambicara has to quit now or else I will be embarassing myself here...

Beach of Paradise

2008-08-12T09:02:00.000+08:00

I wish that I am on an island
All by myself
Reading a good book
While lazing on a hammock
By the sea
With the soft breeze
Blowing sweetly to my face

The blue sky and cottony clouds

As the ceiling above me
Soft white sand underneath my hammock
So velvety and plush
The sound of waves beating the shore
Form music to my ears
A rhythm that soothe just like a lullaby
The crystal clear sea water
So shallow and transparent
I am contented... so joyous is my heart
My innersoul in great peace
O' what a wonderful feeling
At my Beach of Paradise
Somewhere over the rainbow!
(Copyright Kalambicara!)

O' how I wish this will never end...and I can go on dreaming and imagining... A picture so vivid... forming in my head and I know for sure... very sure... That I now really need a break!

Kalambicara is just awaken from her day dreaming...huhu!

Half Year Review

2008-07-24T11:26:00.000+08:00

O' How time flies... theres only one week i.e only seven (7) days left before we reach August. It makes me shivers, can feel it till my spines... thinking of the lost time... the one thing that you'll never get back when its gone. Ouch! What good have I done so far in 2008? Am thinking of any great achievement... ada la ...kut... very minor...kut...entah!

I do not wish to take work achivement into consideration here. Am thinking so much of self achievement. For myself, as an individual, a person, a human being, a living thing. Sigh...

It seems like I am not doing much for myself. Not really taking good care of my well being, my health, my diet, etc. I have been procrastinating a lot, day dreaming a lot, sleeping a lot (kononnya over problems), eating a lot (kononnya sbb stress)... O' gosh, scarry nyer bila pikir.

I know its never too late to start things over, after all whats passed is past laa... Aarrggghhh! ... Never mind... Am not going to reminince about all these. What I need now is to do some alignment and balancing acts as soon as possible and get all things on me running smoothly, without any more hiccups. These include some of my resolutions made (in my head) early of the year. I really have to do these, or else I will regret later. I know this for sure.

Else... ok lah... Family - very supportive and loving mum and great siblings (yg kdg suka jugak buli this Kak Long...sabor je la) with a little bit of ups and downs, thats normal la and it makes us getting closer... Friends - nasib baik ada geng lulur and a flower girl yg forever entertaining and making me feeling forever young, and also one who is ever willing to lend me the ears...(ye ker willing eh?). Come to think of all these, my life is good actually! Thanks all dearly... muuaaahhss!

Guess right now... another five more months to go before accomplishing my mission for year 2008, I really have to take things seriously and do things accordingly and timely. If not, I will go kaput! One thing for sure, instead of roaming like a tiger (thats what my siblings said) many a times, I need to laugh and smile a lot too... (Sometimes I look solemn and down...not pretty, eh?)

Ok ok.... Kalambicara got to go now to practice facial expressions in front of a mirror! Mua ha ha ha !

Hello Again!

2008-07-12T12:52:00.000+08:00

I know I have not been posting anything here for almost three months now... Whether you want to know the reasons (or rather, my excuses) or not, I hereby am listing them down anyway:

1. I was too occupied with work... so many things to accomplish and so many deadlines to meet.

2. I was in a confused state of mind, thinking so much of some personal matters, especially those that touched my heart.

3. I was assigned an additional task, as Project Manager for the Corporate Annual Report 2007 and was given two (2) months to accomplish... thus, becoming more occupied. (The printed copies of the Annual Report was delivered as scheduled - 18 June 2008. The next day, five copies were delivered to MOF. Phew! On time la!)

4. I was waiting for the right mood... it just did not come! (ya right?!)

5. I had so many ideas, and pictures captured for blogging purposes... but too tired to write creatively. (forever tired maa!)

6. I keep procrastinating... tonight... no, tomorrow night... and so on... all due to my mental tiredness after hard day's work.

7. Matters of the heart affected my brain... making me a lazy thinker...

8. Matters of the heart ... again... made me staring wide-eyed at the ceiling, for so many nights... till I fell asleep. (pure laziness, actually eh?)

9. Busy at work, implementing all the planned activities, ensuring that the centre is up and running smooth and efficiently.

10. So many meetings attended, day after day, that the only time to really work was at night, either at home or at the office.

11. My planned vacation to Bali... was great and forgotten about everything else.

12. Busy browsing, doing research for my PhD proposal, keep changing the topic before finally endorsing one and agreed by supervisor. Alas, submitted last month..(am now waiting for August's review session - dgn penuh debaran). (Honestly, with the workload and all, it was a miracle to accomplish even a proposal. I donno how, in the coming years, with the research to be done...citations to be compiled, etc... I will definitely become bonkers, if not zombie!)

13. The Sirim ISMS Audit... phew...another meticulous departmental tasks to accomplish and to be prepared, mental and physical.

14. Another vacation, with family, to Cherating/Kemaman... but was bombarded with a zillion calls, sms and emails from office (especially the COO himself...aarrrgggghhh!!!)

15. Again... no mood to write...though many ideas triggered my mind... (Plain malas le!)

16. Procrastinate, procrastinate and procrastinate... sampai dah jadi habit till now... (baru sedar konon!)

17. Mid Year KPI Review Session and target setting... (another headache, another rush!)

18. Doing extra work for extra income i.e proofread a book for the National Department for Culture and Arts, Ministry of Culture, Arts and Heritage entitled "Joget Pahang Gamelan Melayu - The Classical Essemble of the Pahang Royal Court) (Like I do not have enough work to do eh? But, hey, got extra income maa...thank God that I let go lecturing this year...)

Well... the list can go on... merely excuses kan? Hmmm... today somehow or rather... I feel the urge to write... especially when the ISMS Audit Closing Meeting was over at 5.00 pm today. Me, felt so contented and proud of the company as well. Was so happy when the Lead Auditor announced in the boardroom as below:

"Ladies and gentlemen, With no NCR recorded, we, representing SIRIM QAS International, hereby recommend CyberSecurity Malaysia be awarded with the ISO/IEC 27001:2005 Certification..."

The announcement was followed by a big applause from all of us, members of the management. We are happy. It was tough. In fact, though we were the second company in the country to be awarded with this certification, we actually beat the first company if compared by the number of staffing that we have.

Frankly, adhering to ISMS (Information Security Management System) is not an easy task but we managed, though with some rooms for improvement. So, till next year's surveillance audit, we will try our best to maintain and improve all our processes, policies and uphold our dignity in our quest to 'secure our cyberspace'.

Bravo to all, especially to the SMBP (Security Management and Best Practices) team for making it happened. Also to my team, for all the hardwork and effort put, keep it up KRCians!

Enough for now... Kalambicara is signing off smilingly...over and out.

Believe so...

2008-04-22T10:50:00.000+08:00

Someone close to you is so depressed.

Someone close to you is feeling so down.

What do you say to that someone?

How do you console them?

That its just one of the challenges of life...

That Allah swt. is testing us...

That we have to be more patience...

That we have to be strong...

That we have to hold tightly to our belief...

That we have to reinforce and enrich our time with Allah swt. ...

That we have to have faith in Allah swt. ...

What else do we say to that someone?

People know all these. Just that they tend to forget ... or lose hope?

Should we? I don't think so.

Hope is all that we have.

Hope is 'the one thing' that we have to hold dear too... in all circumstances

I believe we have to trust Allah swt. for HE knows what is in store for us....

Have trust. Have faith. For Allah swt. is there for us, all the time, good or bad.

Thats the best I can say. Guess you have to believe so too...

Insyaallah you will feel good. Insyaallah you will feel great.

The feeling of depression ... its all in our thoughts. You can control them. I believe so.

Everything happens for a reason. We all know this. But, like myself too, we need to stop and think...

Not to think of what the reason is... thats beyond our mind...

But, to believe that theres a reason why things happened ... believe that something good, something worth waiting for, is there for you... we never know... nobody knows... (Of course Allah swt knows) ... until it happens. So no question. Just believe so. Period.

Kalambicara needs some time to be with Allah swt. ...

Life is a Gift

2008-04-19T12:20:00.000+08:00

Today before you think of saying an unkind word
Think of someone who can't speak.

Today before you complain about life
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

And when you are tired and complain about your job
Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another
Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down
Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.

Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, And fulfill it.

I like the wordings above. They were meant to cheer me up... to think positively and to avoid myself from going bonkers! :)

Kalambicara is ending today's post with the quote below:

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR GOALS TO BRING THEM IN LINE WITH YOUR LIFE.

ADJUST YOUR LIFE TO BRING YOU IN LINE WITH YOUR GOALS.

Till then...

Theres a reason...

2008-04-12T11:40:00.000+08:00

I know that I have not been posting anything here for almost a month now. Earlier, I was not in my right mind... A few things were complicating my mind and it affected by body and soul. It was hard controlling oneself, holding tightly, so as not to be blown off ... but after much ado, (soul searching, lots of thinking, muhasabah diri and all), I survived, though razor thin... sigh.

I had given enough time to understand situations and learn to accept people as they are (not as what you expected, wanted them to be or to change them to your standards set, etc) and to accept the fact that all incidents happened with a reason. Its the Almighty's way of testing oneself, your endurance, courage, faith and above all, because the Almighty loves you and do not want you to be drifted further... It is also the Almighty's way to ensure that one is on the right track...I believe so.

Anyway, put that aside, I am back. Am feeling good. Am enjoying what I am doing so far... Reading has always been my passion, what more when I now have the opportunity to work in an environment surrounded by reading materials - books, journals, magazines... and books too (both physical and virtual) being the core services of my department. I truly like...

Today, my close confidante at work left the company, for good. I am supposed to feel sad, but I don't. Not really. I refused to bid farewell to her, though we took a moment to hug each other and giggling while doing so.

Both of us understood that from tomorrow onwards, we will not be working together in this same organisation. Thats all. We are not parting and going away from each other. We might not see each other everyday, but theres always the means of communication. We live in a borderless world. Thus, nothing is impossible and theres no reason not to communicate or not keeping in touch. I know we will still share secrets and all and had already set a date for our next outing, so theres no reason for me to seriously bid farewell.

Yes, I do miss her, already... missed sharing stories and confiding matters to each other, but that gives me a chance to compile and to add more spices so that our next communication session will be much heated up... So, till then ... Azila Alya Dahalan... I know you are such a courageous lady, and I believe that you can easily overcome all, through thick and thin, walk tall and glory will be yours, soon. Remember, La Tahzan and semua yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. Insyaallah.

Kalambicara signing off for now...

Away but near...

2008-03-12T14:26:00.000+08:00

Got this via sms at 8.17 pm tonight...

"Friendship is being together in good and bad times, being honest with yourself and each other, respecting the truth and never pretending, and understanding that it is complete accepting to the other person just the way they are. Friendship is missing the other person when they are away but remaining near in heart forever..."

Thanks for the wonderful thoughts...

Am reminincing the precious moments and wondering ... (the song 'When will I see you again' by The Three Degrees is suddenly playing in my head so clearly that my vision is now blurry...)

Kalambicara is sad and needs to bring herself together before it gets worst...

Its Raining!

2008-03-01T12:48:00.000+08:00

I just love the weather tonight.

Its been quite some time since we get rainy nights. The type of rain that they call 'raining cats and dogs.' (Wonder how cats and dogs got the credit here!) Not the type of rain that comes together with dark cloudy weather, strong stormy winds, lightning and thunder...no no no... that type...I fear.

This 'cats and dogs' rain is merely 'heavy rainfalls' and thats all. No lightning. No thunder. No storms. Just plain crystal clear droplets of water falling from the sky.

Am sitting on my bed, with the notebook on the pillow, typing this post...in a happy and cool mood. My company tonite is Barry Manilow. His serenade is so soothing, sooooo touching...O' so goooood! This is what I called 'real chill out'.

Barry Manilow has been accompanying me for so many years. I studied through university days... with him. When I fell in and out of love... he was there. He was with me all the time, up till now. His songs touched the heart of mine so very much.

Among Barry's songs that captured my heart and soul are Sometimes When We Touch, Can't Smile Without You, I Write The Song, I Made It Through The Rain... and many many more. In fact, all his songs are captivating and mesmerising. The lyrics are great too.

When I was small, rainy nights like this, my siblings and I will gather in the living room, all in pyjamas and covering ourselves with own blankets. My dad will be sitting on the sofa. The television will normally be switched off. My dad is an ardent believer that the television could easily be faulty if it is switched on during heavy rain, especially when there's lightning. Well those days, we depended a lot on the aerial, the metal rods, normally placed atop of house roofs. Astro? Nope. Not in our vocabulary then.

This is the time when my father will start his storytelling. Mostly true stories of his childhood days and real life experiences. Sometimes, he told us some ghost stories, also from his own encounters. It was indeed fun. Scarry but fun. We laughed. We screamed. We formed body cluster in the centre of the living room.

Being someone involved in teaching profession (my late father was a school Headmaster), he really knew how to attract our attention and instill interest and enthusiasm. He is a real master in story telling. My mum called him 'tok selampit'. I guess that suits him...

Talking about my mum... Well... on nights like this, she really knows how to play her role as a mother. When she saw all of us wide-eyed looking and listening to my father's ramblings, she will go to the kitchen and cooked something to serve us. From the living room, we could smell the 'jemput-jemput' or sometimes 'keropok' that she was frying.

Not long after, she will be bringing a big tray which consists of a jug of tea, some mugs and the freshly fried 'jemput-jemput' to the living room. All of us will throw the blankets away and started reaching for the food. My dad will normally ended his story abruptly. To be continued...he said, as usual, on another fine rainy day.

Rainy days like tonight, is too nostalgic for me... Many more that I can reminince. Maybe in my other postings later on. You see... both my parents really complement each other, especially in our upbringing. My dad will feed us with food for soul and my mum will feed us with food for the body. Sigh. How I wish we could turn back the clock. I really missed my dad. May he rest in peace. AlFatihah.

Now, at this age...during rainy days like this, I prefer to be alone. At the solitude of my room. I know if I am not writing this posting, I will end up reading a novel. Or I might just stand by the window sill, watching the rainfalls. I will be wide awake. I will never feel sleepy on rainy days. I become so alive on rainy days. My siblings know about this behaviour of mine. Even my roommates throughout my school and university days knew that I am like this. I really am so into rainy days. Not like most of my friends. They will jump onto bed and force themselves to go to sleep. No...No...Not me. I really went bonkers on rainy days.

I just love rainy days. I also love the smell of the environment when the rain stops. Everything seems so clean. So fresh.

This posting has reached the end. But, the rain has not stopped yet. This gives me time to see the rain. Especially those near the streetlights. Further...its dark. O' rain... rain... Got to stand by the window now...

"...And sometimes when we touch,
The honesty too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you 'til I die
'til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you
'til The fear in me subsides..."

Hmmm... Barry Manilow's 'Sometimes When We Touch' is in the air ... and I am so touched!

Kalambicara wanted to observe the rain before it stops...till then..gtg

LOL

2008-02-27T12:45:00.000+08:00

Its been quite sometime that I really laugh. Honestly, I just can't remember when I was at my happiest moments. Here I am, trying hard to recall the time that I enjoyed a good laugh. I just can't remember when. So pathetic...! Sigh.

This makes me want to cry. And I don't want to. I had enough tears shed lately. No, am not going to cry anymore. But...when was it ya?...

Yes, it was fun when we met during Chinese New Year gathering at Suat Chu's last Saturday. Met Zuber, whom I have not seen for the last 28 years! Also, met Zuhdi, whom we last saw each other during Primary 6, way back 33 years ago! Though it was indeed a special moment, but, I did not really laugh out loud. We were busy sharing stories of our whereabout during those separation years. We did laugh a few times in the course of storytelling, but not laughing to the point of holding your breath and your stomach so hard, or till you're red faced, or till all of us jumped up and down... No. It was not like that.

CNY @ Suat Chu's

So now... I am still thinking hard of my happiest moments and great laugh...

Does this mean that I am not enjoying myself now? Did I not know how to have fun now?

Me, of all persons, was always the centre of attention especially when I spoke or made jokes. But now, I rarely crack a joke. Of late, I rarely mingle with others. Yesterday, a few colleagues commented on me being different. Hmmm.... Heard the same comments from my siblings too. Right now it seems that my preference is to be alone. Do my things, alone. Truly enjoying my moments, alone.

Hopefully no one is fretting. Hopefully no heart is broken. Nothing was done on purpose. It all come naturally. I honestly did not realize that I am doing all those things, alone...until someone mentioned it to me. Sigh.

Well, it is not bad to be alone, right? I am okay. I am so used to loneliness. But when people highlighted it to me... it triggers my thought. And, I began to wonder. As long as I am happy, in my own way, then let me be.

Not that I am alone all the time though. I do have company... but recently, I became very selective. Its my preference. I befriend only people whom I truly trusted. Tested and trusted. People like this are indeed a rare breed, especially in this 'dog eats dog' world. Be trustworthy, be open and be reliable... the only three things that I cherish in any friendship or relationship.

After so many paragraphs written, I still can't recall my 'laughing' moments... or me at my peak of happiness. O gosh... this is bad, really bad. How can I not recalling any? Sigh. I'll try to think hard tonight and post it some other time. I will.

Kalambicara is thinking hard to recall the happy moments...tick tock tick tock tick tock!!

Stuck-in-the-Middle

2008-02-22T13:30:00.000+08:00

I am stuck-in-the-middle!

And, I don't like it.

To move backwards, is not my style.

To move forward, there's a barrier, a gatekeeper or whatever you may call it.

So, how can I get things done fast?

How can I get my goals achieved?

How can I get my mission accomplished?

Can you just give me room to expand?

Can you please allow me to prove that my magic portion is working too?

Can you? Can you?

Please... pretty please...

I am truly stuck-in-the-middle!!!

Kalambicara is trying hard to escape from this muddy situation...gtg...

Suratan atau Kebetulan

2008-02-17T13:14:00.000+08:00

Sesuatu yang tak disangka
Seringkali mendatangi kita
Itukah suratan dalam kehidupan
Atau sekadar satu kebetulan

Kita asyik membicarakan
Persoalan hidup dan pilihan
Serta kejujuran semakin berkurang
Masih tiada bertemu jawapan

Walau kita dihadapkan
Dengan berbagai pilihan
Mengapa sering terjadi
Pilihan tak menepati

Hingga amat menakutkan
Menghadapi masa depan
Seolah telah terhapus
Sebuah kehidupan yang kudus

Pertemuan sekali ini
Bagi diriku amat bererti
Tetapi ku bimbang untuk menyatakan
Bimbangkan berulang kesilapan

No elaboration this time. Kalambicara is in deep thoughts...still.

Damn it! Damn it!

2008-02-07T05:52:00.000+08:00

I am so pissed off today. Things that I already foresee will happen is now happening. Shit! I knew it! I knew it!

So far, throughout these years of living in this real world, my instinct never failed me. My intuitive signals to-date is always correct.

But, still... out of being convinced by other matters, I disregard my instinct. Also, due to the inavailability of other choices.

And today, it is well proven, again, as always, my instinct is right! I am utterly upset.

Upset to the point that upon arriving at work today, my eye dam broke. It burst uncontrollably. Naturally. Alone at my table. Until my staff arrived that I tried hard to hold back my tears.

I had four meetings to attend before lunch today. One of it was obviously on the subject matter that triggered my upsetness... and I had to swallow it, come what may. Damn! Damn! Damn!

I don't know how else to be firm and assertive on certain matters. Yes, being in this corporate world for so many years, I know its a 'dog eats dog' world... but being me, I am always obedient and complacent, to the point that I ended up being the victim (I think!).

Though there are others who advised me to take it positively, its all about the learning process, that work is part of 'the ibadah', the sharing of knowledge and experience, bla bla bla... God Almighty knows it all, etc etc... but dear all, tell me, tell me now, please, who is suffering here? It is still me, the one and only, yours truly, and no one else. Period.

Enough... I better stop my ramblings. Apart from letting it off my chest, letting my steam out, it gets no where. The more I pursue, the more I'm hurt, and its all affecting me and my mind, personally, not anyone else. Easier said than done...

Thus, I guess this is it. This is part of life...of working life, to be exact. This is the reality. This is not fantasy. And I have to take the burden, so its not worth pondering much... it will upset me more.

Kalambicara needs to start work now that lunch hour is almost over... sob! sob!

Its the Federal Territory Day!

2008-02-02T15:47:00.000+08:00

I applied leave today merely to settle the roadtax of my car. Tomorrow is the expiry date.

Before I fell asleep last nite, I planned my itinerary for today. To accomplish the first task. Then to go to a financial insitution to update my unit trust matters. Later to meet a friend from the former office for lunch and finally home to laze and finish the book that I am currently reading.

As usual, every morning when I woke up, I will on the radio, grab the towel and proceed to the bathroom. Did the same thing today. And then... I heard the news about the Federal Territory Day celebration today...

For a moment I stood still. What happened to me? How can I forget that, when most of the tasks to be done today as mentioned above, will take place in KL city! (my office is under the Selangor state, not FD)

I turned back from the entrance of the bathroom door, and walked back to my bed. Stunted. Am already on leave. Normally when I took leave, I will really make full use of the day. Unless, I did plan to just be at home, doing nothing, just home. But this is not THE day...

In the process of thinking on what to do today... I got a message from the university that I am lecturing on part time basis. They wanted the final exam papers by Monday. Aaarrggghhh! So fast! I still have a few chapters to cover the syllabus...of the two subjects that I am teaching.

Anyway, that message then became the solution to this silly situation of mine. Thus, I decided to be good today, be at home and focus on the exam questions. Well at least, my mum has company during the day today.

My mum was of course happy that she has company. Though I was in my room upstairs most of the time, I did came down once a while to assist her in the kitchen. As today is Friday, she normally cooks special dinner. My two younger sisters, both college students, one is doing Quantity Survey and the youngest, Dentistry, will be back for the weekend and the house will not be quiet like the weekdays when only three of us at home, each occupying one room, doing own thing respectively.

Today is extraordinary special. I don't know why. She cooked 'kerutub hati and daging' and make 'pulut kuning' as well. I did asked and she said, "Sajo yah, Ma teraso nok make pulut kuning nga kerutub"... in her typuical Kelatanese dialect, of course. I helped with the 'acar mentah' and other simple dishes.

Deep inside, I know... shes happy that all of us can have early dinner together. I rarely joined the Friday dinner with them cos' its a weekday and I always reached home earliest by 8.00 pm... (well, most of the time lah!)... usually I ate alone or merely 'ratah the lauk' since its already late...

It was indeed fun actually to see the excitement when my younger sisters arrived. Upon entering the house, at the gate, they will be calling ...."Ma Ma... Adik balik...Chique balik...niiii!!!" A rare occassion to me (their Kak Long) as well, cos' I seldom witnessed the moments. And today, I did. Actually, they came back every weekend. Another sister of mine (whom they addressed as Kak Je) who is a teacher, will ardently drove to UiTM to pick them, wihout fail, every weekend, and later do their loads of weekly dirty laundry.

To me its really a bliss for tnem. They are lucky. During my time, my parents were in Kelantan, weekend means lazing in the hostel room, reading novel, did some washing and later hanging the clothes, all with my two bare hands and later had lunch and dinner of 'nasi kawah' at the hostel's dining hall. Now that all of us are now here in KL, they are so much pampered. How I wish I am back as student and get the same treatment like them now...the comfort of home and mum's cooking every weekend. What a joy!

Back to my forgetfulness this morning... Is this the sign of old age? Ouch! Got to really use my mind a lot, do mind boggling activities, like doing some difficult word puzzle, cracked my head on the Sudoku board and the like... to exercise my mind and alert mental thinking. Really must do these...

Kalambicara needs to browse the net to check on some puzzle...till then... :)

Crying In The Rain

2008-01-27T07:30:00.000+08:00

Though its bright and sunny outside my window this Saturday afternoon, I am feeling rather gloomy here in my bedroom, typing this post on my bed, yet to take my morning bath...

The situation at work that I am facing now did affect my well being. Also, theres the matter of heart that I am strongly controlling so as to avoid the bursting of these great eye dam of mine! Sigh.

Since I was attending a course outside office for the past two days, I managed to keep myself occupied. What more when this Occupational First Aid and CPR course needs you to sit for practical and written test, attention and focus is much needed. Thus, other matters diminished in the thin air. But now... I am at home and the solitude in my room made this 'o so suck up feelings' surface without my invitation. Sigh again.

I’ll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurting in me
I’ve got my pride and I know how to hide
All my sorrow and pain
I’ll do my crying in the rain

... ... ... ... ...

Raindrops falling from heaven
Could never take away my misery
... I pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you’ll never see

Someday when my crying is done
I’m gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool but till then, you never see me complain
I’ll do my crying in the rain

O' my... thank God to this A-ha Song... kind of keeping me going strong... and I promise I will.

This coming Monday, I am going to start anew. Of how I do and handle things. I will be the old me when I was the Head of Department in my previous organisation. Full of zest, determination and courageous. Some people here might not really know me. Well now that the knife is in my hand, I will have the power to slice my own cucumber and garnish whatever food to be served nicely! Insyaallah and with God willing of course.

Gotta go out to my hairdresser for a new hairdo, get my shoulder massaged, have my own home spa treatment later and am ready to take charge next week. Wish me luck dear readers...

Kalambicara is stopping now to go to the saloon... till then... cheers and no more tears!

Today, Last Year.

2008-01-22T23:55:00.000+08:00

On this same date (22 January) last year (2007)… I stepped in this organization as the Corporate Communications Consultant… for a contract of service for one year. (22 January 2007 – 22 January 2008)

It’s a mixed feelings actually…

Prior to accepting the offer, I was contemplating. Should I accept or not? Earlier, the application was for a Corporate Communications Manager and a permanent position.

I was keeping mumb about the offer for a fortnight. Neither did I confirm the acceptance to their HR or replied to the email from one member of the senior management.

I was actually confused. But, I need the job then. After been doing freelancing for almost half a year… I need something secured. Freelancing is good. I truly enjoyed my freedom… but the income, of course, is not fixed. I was merely doing translation, writings and lecturing on part time basis.

After much thought, I accepted the post. And today, 22 January 2008, the contract expires.

And today also, I received an offer letter from the same organisation for the position of the Head of the Knowledge Resource Centre (KRC). This new position will be effective tomorrow, 23 January 2008.

Am I happy? Again... a mixed feelings. I was contemplating... like before. The offer was of course lesser than when I was the Consultant. That is normal, but not so much reduction... as this, eh? But of course theres the perks, and butterflies and bees and all...but still....hmmm. In a way, I felt as though all these are insulting my intelligence. But, again... since that is the only offer that I have at the moment, and I need the income... I have not much choice but to accept and thankful that I still have a job and an income. Sigh.

I like the nature of KRC. The thought of dealing with books and documents, physical and online truly excites me. I will be accountable for the whole operations of KRC and ensuring that KRC is well publicised and promoted nationwide, as the virtual and physical reference centre, especially on information security and ICT in general.

It will also gives me a chance to do research in the course of my interest in pursuing my Phd this May. Insyaallah.

I will take this challenge with pride and will try my best, together with my new team, to bring the KRC to greater heights.

I am hoping that you will all support me as well... and I need that very much. May Allah bless my team and I.

Btw...Happy Thaipusam and Happy Holiday to all. I really need a good rest tomorrow as then on I will be facing a new challenge and looking forward to it with full enthusiasm.

Kalambicara is signing off... to really rest.

Bye 2007...Hi 2008

2008-01-11T14:51:00.000+08:00

I know I know... Many are commenting me for not updating my blog for quite some time now. There's no point of me giving reasons... It all started off due to my very busy and tight schedule in the month of December 07 and even up till now. But after much ado, I guess I have to stop procrastinating despite the reality of having piles of tasks to be accomplished. Work can never finished. Actually some were the results of my own interest... sendiri cari ...like doing part time lecturing at a university three times a week after work, some writings for publication...etc

Ok... am taking this opportunity to wish all the ardent fans of my blog, Selamat Menyambut Tahun Baru 1429 Hijrah and guess its still not late for me to wish all, Happy New Year 2008. May this year be the year for all of us ... to achieve our dreams and to fulfill all the resolutions made. May Allah swt bless us all. Amin.

Below is the excerpt that I always cherish when new year comes... to share with all of you. I considered this message as healthy food for thought. Btw George Carlin is a well known American Standup Comedian who speaks much on human behaviour, everyday life, the American culture, etc. Hopefully it will trigger some action ... to do or not to do... One thing I know for sure is 'not to take things for granted.' Well, happy reading...

A New Year Message From George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember; say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember; to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember; to say "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember; to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Sincerely,

George Carlin

With this... Kalambicara is signing off and feeling contented now that this blog is updated ...at least for today.

Fairies, Pixies and Elves

2007-12-04T13:44:00.000+08:00

Am so very busy since my last post. Hardly time for me to take a break, even at night, to update my blog. Got to wait till later...

So now... I am just taking a few minutes of my very packed schedule (its lunch hour at work now) to linger on things that I have been doing when I was a child. I used to day dream a lot. All about little fairies flying in my garden, of elves playing hide and seek among the stems of the flowers and plants and of pixies peeping from behind the stalks of other plants.

There were also little people, gnomes, thumbelina, peter pan, here and there among the daisies, canna lilies and sunflowers. How real it was in my thoughts then, and now... Theres Alice in Wonderland, and the clever Puss the cat and all... How real, how serene and how free life is ... was so happy, no worries, all fun and laughter!

O how I wish I am back to that young age, full of vivid imagination... and not many tasks to accomplish and deadlines to meet. Life is so wonderful then, without feeling stressed at all.... and all of a sudden I am humming this song by Richard Sanderson ..."Dreams are my reality, a wonderous world I longed to be..." hmmmm...

Kalambicara is about to quit to search for more fairies... am stopping bicara now.

Preoccupied Weekend

2007-11-19T00:14:00.000+08:00

I was fully occupied during the weekend, yesterday and day before. In fact my weekend activities started last Friday night itself.

Back from work, I arrived home at about 8.00pm and freshened up a little bit, then out we (my sister and I) went to Giant Bandar Puteri for our monthly grocery shopping. It was quite a late do for this month as I was quite busy with office work and attending to training here and there. So, most of the supplies were really out at home and the Chef aka Home Guardian Angel (my mum, of course) almost gave up doing her daily chores.

Saturday morning by 8.00 am I was already at the Toyota Service Centre in PJ for the routine car service and spent time until 3.00pm. Not a major service but the queue was terrible, though we had booked two weeks in advance. Maybe its because of school holidays and parents sent cars for servicing, with plans to travel comfortably taking their children to various holiday destinations...maybe.

Then we had guests at 4.00pm, my auntie and her children and at night, also we had guests, an uncle and his wife. Thank God my mum who is always on the alert for walk-in guests had earlier prepared spaghetti and mee curry. So, there was not a problem of what to serve our guests. And there goes my Saturday, waiting and reading at the service centre and entertaining to relatives at home.

Come Sunday, I had a pre-planned acttivity. I had registered myself to the Bakersguide Baking Class in my housing estate and the class started at 9.00am. So, another day of my weekend unable to continue my usual weekend favourites; lazing on bed, reading a novel, fall asleep again, wake up, grab the book, read again.. and the cycle goes on. No, no, not the last weekend.

I arrived at Bakersguide 15 minutes late and the class has not started yet. It was kind of the Chef to wait for me..hu hu.. Well, actually I am the ardent buyer of their baking ingredients and always frequent the shop for my baking needs. He knew me and thats the reason for the wait. Sorry classmates.

Today, I learnt to make bread. I have made bread before a few times. White bread, raisins plaited bread, sweet buns, etc. But that was through my own method merely based on the instructions in the recipes. Chef Eric taught us the proper bread making. And my, it was actually a bit tedious and all had to be done in a systematic way, step-by-step. I almost lost my patience. Chef Eric said, breadmaking will teach you to be patient and gentle. Hah! Me? Patient and gentle! I almost laughed myself out loud. But I controlled then. For those who knew me will know that I am someone who speak fast, walk fast,and a bit far from being gentle in action (though I am gentle when comes to matters of the heart).

Thus, in the class, during the hands-on session, I was asked to slow down a few times by Chef Eric. he he Sorry Chef... I was just 'tak sabar' to see things done the way a slow-motion picture is played. But I did as told by Chef Eric. It gives me a kind of feeling, a sense of power controlling, learning to hold back and concentrate on the task (of kneading and rolling and brushing the egg wash, etc). It was really fun. Bread making did provide a kind of pleasure and satisfaction. Indeed, when moulding the dough, I felt like I am actually moulding me and my self esteem! (and no, I am not crazy, still in sanity!) And frankly, I do like that kind of feeling that was sipped in my body, slow and steady. Not the usual 'adrenalin rush' feeling that was always in sync with me and my body and soul whenever I am in tasks.

The physical end result of the lesson learnt from the breadmaking class today which ended at 3.00pm were the Chocolate Chips Bun, Kaya Bun, Sausage Bun, Red Bean Bun, Chicken Floss Bun, Tuna Bun and Cheese Stick. All the sweet bun family from the same master recipe and dough. Heres the photo of what I (yes, my own fruit of labour!) made today at Bakersguide. It looked exactly like the ones on display at the bakery. Honestly, I swear to God, I did made those myself, with my own bare hands! My siblings jokingly said that I bought them to bring home. They always bullied me... pity, pity me!

Though my weekend was packed with activities, I am truly contented. Satisfied. No regrets for leaving the bed earlier...

Kalambicara is missing the bed now... am heading to it as fast as I can!

Melayu

2007-11-11T01:07:00.000+08:00

As a sequel from yesterday's posting... Also, to ponder on today's incident proudly made famous and historical by the 'yellow team' (definitely not DIGI!), my plea to the Malay readers of my blog, let us relook at this poem by our country's great Poet/Writer Dato' Usman Awang. Then on, make your stand, where are we heading? Tepuk dada, tanya selera.

Melayu

Melayu itu orang yang bijaksana
Nakalnya bersulam jenaka
Budi bahasanya tidak terkira
Kurang ajarnya tetap santun
Jika menipu pun masih bersopan
Bila mengampu bijak beralas tangan

Melayu itu berani jika bersalah
Kecut takut kerana benar
Janji simpan di perut
Selalu pecah di mulut
Biar mati adat
Jangan mati anak

Dalam sejarahnya
Melayu itu pengembara lautan
Melorongkan jalur sejarah zaman
Begitu luas daerah sempadan
Sayangnya kini segala kehilangan

Melayu itu kaya falsafahnya
Kias kata bidal pusaka
Akar budi bersulamkan daya
Gedung akal laut bicara

Malangnya Melayu itu kuat bersorak
Terlalu ghairah pesta temasya
Sedangkan kampung telah tergadai
Sawah sejalur tinggal sejengkal
Tanah sebidang mudah terjual

Meski telah memiliki telaga
Tangan masih memegang tali
Sedang orang mencapai timba
Berbuahlah pisang tiga kali
Melayu itu masih bermimpi

Walaupun sudah mengenal universiti
Masih berdagang di rumah sendiri
Berkelahi cara Melayu
Menikam dengan pantun
Menyanggah dengan senyum
Marahnya dengan diam
Merendah bukan menyembah
Meninggi bukan melonjak

Watak Melayu menolak permusuhan
Setia dan sabar tiada sempadan
Tapi jika marah tak nampak telinga
Musuh dicari ke lubang cacing
Tak dapat tanduk telinga dijinjing
Maruah dan agama dihina jangan
Hebat amuknya tak kenal lawan

Berdamai cara Melayu indah sekali
Silaturrahim hati yang murni
Maaf diungkap senantiasa bersahut
Tangan diulur sentiasa bersambut
Luka pun tidak lagi berparut

Baiknya hati Melayu itu tak terbandingkan
Selaga yang ada sanggup diberikan
Sehingga tercipta sebuah kiasan:
“Dagang lalu nasi ditanakkan
Suami pulang lapar tak makan
Kera di hutan disusu-susukan
Anak di pangkuan mati kebuluran”

Bagaimanakah Melayu abad dua puluh satu
Masihkan tunduk tersipu-sipu ?
Jangan takut melanggar pantang
Jika pantang menghalang kemajuan;
Jangan segan menentang larangan
Jika yakin kepada kebenaran;
Jangan malu mengucapkan keyakinan
Jika percaya kepada keadilan

Jadilah bangsa yang bijaksana
Memegang tali memegang timba
Memiliki ekonomi mencipta budaya
Menjadi tuan di negara Merdeka!

Truly I am speechless. The second last para is something that I really like. It matches me and my principles. What say you? One thing I know for sure is that I am a true Malay (though my late grandfather is a Chinese). I actually think more in English and most of the time speaks English! What?! Its not wrong, right? Its just language preference... and my upbringing... and my education... and my .... arrrrhhhhhh! Let it be... I am me.

Finally, I'd like to recall the famous phrase of our great Malay warrior, Hang Tuah... Takkan Melayu hilang di dunia... Yes, if we are all united and not separated...by beliefs, by ideologies, etc. etc. We should be ONE. We must be ONE. Revive the true spirit of the 'perjuangan kemerdekaan' by our forefathers. Everything must be fair! Everything must be clean! Tak perlu bermuka-muka. Melayu kini sudah berbeza. Melayu kini berfikiran terbuka. Demi generasi muda! Demi negara tercinta!

Kalambicara suddenly feels so patriotic...and am marching out now!

Politics

2007-11-09T23:36:00.000+08:00

According to the Wikipedia, Politics is the process by which groups of people make decisions. Although the term is generally applied to behaviour within civil governments, politics is observed in all human group interactions, including corporate, academic, and religious institutions. Politics consists of "social relations involving authority or power" and refers to the regulation of a political unit, and to the methods and tactics used to formulate and apply policy.

The 2007 UMNO General Assembly ended today with a few resolutions whatsoever. Somehow or rather, some of the policies and resolutions did not impress me at all. Especially the one voiced by the Puteri Chief, Noraini Ahmad. Quite frustrated with this kind of thinking from our so called leaders and politicians. It made me worried of the future of my nieces and nephews. Not going to ramble further on this, else I'll vomit unnecessarily. Afterall, those great bloggers like Marina, Rocky and Nuraina had said enough. What interests me most is the sincerity and honesty of the attendees, in the course of a better future for the Malay generations and for the true love to the country. I doubt that so much.

Been there and was at our organisation's booth and the secretariat's room, trying our best to educate the public (UMNO participants/observers/general public), I was kind of amazed at what I saw and heard. Almost everyone had an agenda by being there!

Seriously. I experienced that with many who stopped at our booth. There I was trying to bring their attention to safe internet usage, awareness on information security on the net, bla bla bla... And guess what, with the brochures that I passed to them after explanation, the questions that they asked were who was the printer who did all your brochures? How can I be the printer for your organisation? Can you get me your CEO I want to talk to him to take me as your panel of suppliers... Can you give me a chance to provide my service to your organisation... and the list of questions of that kind went on and on... different people but asking almost similar questions.

Come on, you came here for the assembly and yet with full purpose... to get something as well eh? Despite reasons provided by my colleagues and me, many were still adamant with their plea of getting certain projects etc. Main justification given was that a Malay got to help another Malay.

Huh! If this is the reality, this is the fact, I am so damned worry about the future of our children. Till the end of the assembly, no one really interested in what we are actually doing for the nation. Instead, they are more interested in our giveaways such as paperbags, mouse pads, pens and various other collaterals, when in actual fact, that was the best avenue to channel the awareness on safe internet usage that we were trying very hard to educate the masses.

Actually all these are nothing new to me. I've heard about these kind of incidences almost every year from my journalist friends, only now am I experiencing them myself. Not going go prolong this issue, letih laaa...

Another interesting observation that I enjoyed while at PWTC was the dressings/fashion style of the ladies, especially the 'pink ladies'. Gosh! Were they here to catch big fish as well? They really dressed to kill. One in particular who walked passed our booth and caught our attention was this one 'pink lady' who wore white transparent baju kurong and pink sarong... normal right, but what about the pink bra?! Purposely chose transparent white kurong merely to highlight her obviously pink bra merely to stress that she belongs to the 'pink ladies' group! If a lady like me looked at her not once, not twice, not thrice, but more... what about the men? We all have eyes and eyes are meant to see. Please O God please, for the sake of the party and for the sake of the Malays... don't let these 'blondes' in pink jeopardize the state of mind and well being of our future leaders!

I rest my case. Till the next UMNO GA...

Kalambicara is really embarassed, and is blushing pink! Stop bicara now...

Gerimis Di Hati

2007-11-08T01:35:00.000+08:00

Still my mind is a bit affected by yesterday's incident. And, all of a sudden this Sudirman's song is playing in my head... soft and sad...yet soothing and calming...

Gerimis di lautan
Mendayung sampan ke kuala
Pada rang bulan pungguk merayu

Menangis kesiangan
Menanggung rindu pada si dia
Apakan daya orang tak mahu

Apalah guna ke bendang
Padi seberang takkan menjadi
Apalah kasihnya orang
Kasihnya orang orang tak sudi

Gerimis di lautan
Ku ubati lukaku sendiri
Namun parutnya terpandang jua

Oh biarlah ku sendiri
Oh tinggallah ku kan pergi
Oh biarlah
Oh tinggallah

And now, I am feeling so alone and in dire need of a shoulder to cry on... hmmmm ... Frankly, I hate it when this type of feelings come into me. This is so not me! Is it the weather or what?! Yucks! Yucks! Yuckie...! And what the heck of connection is this lyric with my upsetness of yesterday's event eh? Oh my, am I going bonkers? Really got to go.

Btw, thanks to the anonymous who commented my post yesterday. Simple, yet consoling. You made my day!

Kalambicara is retiring for the nite...will stop bicara now.

Liar! Liar!

2007-11-06T23:09:00.000+08:00

For the first time since I joined this organisation, I threw my tantrum far out loud today! Someone has the guts to lie straight on my face, in front of my COO. How dare you Mr T!!! !@#$%^&* !!!

It all happened when I was asked in the last minute, to represent my boss, for a meeting on the office renovation. Our department will be relocated to a different floor. In the meeting, we were shown the layout of the new area by the to-be-awarded Interior Decorator.

Looking at my department's new area, I was almost fainted. There was no room for the storage of our corporate collaterals. We have aplenty. Now occupying almost a whole of the room temporarily given for our use by the Admin Dept. I questioned Mr T on a few matters, why is there a reception counter, who will man there, why are there three sofa sets, where is our dry pantry, where is our store room, filing cabinets, etc, etc...

The answer given was that this meeting is not to change the layout whatsoever, but to decide on the type of carpet tiles, wallpaper colour, colour of sofa sets, the colour of the partition for the cluster of workstations and the type of wood finishing for the reception counter???

Hellooooooo!!! You see, we are the one who will be occupying that area, don't we allow to say something. We only met once, almost three months ago, during site visit of the new area, how come, now that you are saying its now final, just choose the fabric! Mr T kept saying that the committee has decided bla bla bla... what committee? who? At first I was upset thinking that my boss did not update me and my colleague, but I was wrong. My boss was not in the know as well. (Hmmmm... talk about SOP here!)

Well, to make the story short, we brought the matter to the attention of the COO. And believe it or not, this great Mr T can say differently. "Jangan tergesa-gesa buat conclusion. Benda ni boleh ubah lagi. Bukan final lagi." Eh, come on who was it in the first place that said that its final, we are about to award now, BQ has been completed, should there be changes or re-renovation, we do it some other time?" Wasn't it you. I made a note in my meeting book of that statement. I have proof of what you said in the meeting yesterday... my witnesses too are happy to provide any testimony if needed...

Hmmmm.... in front of the COO, HE SAID IT DIFFERENTLY! Though I have a few witnesses who actually heard what Mr T said earlier, I feel that its stupid of me to further continue my arguments with him. Suddenly I remembered what my late father said that it'll make you stupid if you argue with a stupid person. There, I am calling him stupid liar now! I am truly pissed of with him. Will never forget what he said and the way he said it, in front of the COO. I have more experience than him, and higher in education than him, though he made me look stupid, he is a zillion more stupid than me. Stupid cupid!

I did cry myself out of anger (thats the normal me lah) after that heated argument. I also made a vow. I will not deal with Mr T at all. My colleague will handle the procurement matter of our deparment. I had explained clearly to his superior. She understood me well and will slow talk to him... ya right... wonder stupid person like him is deaf and dumb too. Huh! I will not tolerate with him at all from now on. I will ignore him. I will definitely not respect him at all. I will never smile at him. I will not talk to him at all. That is my principle when facing with a liar like this. Watch out man, don't ever expect anything from me anymore from now on. Thats my vow. Thats my promise and I am so into it. Neither will I forgive, nor will I forget! I am a lady of principle. (Refer to my first blog - The First One)

Mr T is a Liar!

Liar! Liar! Liar!

May your pants be on fire!

Pants on fire! Pants on fire!

Kalambicara is quiting bicara now... am not lying! Really quit...for the time being.

Destressing Oneself

2007-11-05T21:18:00.000+08:00

Last weekend I attended a session organised by our HR Department entitled 'Stress Management' at Holiday Villa, Subang. About the content, okay la... introducing us to the 7 chakras, more into the holistic and conventional healing, evoking our sub-conscious mind, some self reflections, some breathing and massage techniques, a bit of self meditation, bla bla bla...

I had attended a few Stress Management course throughout my career and each has its own uniqueness. The western gurus methods are of course a bit different than the asian gurus. For this particular session, what I remembered most is these three questions posted by the facilitator:

1. What good have you done to yourself?
2. What good have you done to your parents?
3. What good have you done to your brothers and sisters (siblings)?

Well, to be frank, I am satisfied with my answers (in my heart) for both questions 2 and 3, but definitely not for question 1. I still feel that I have not done enough for myself. I am more concern for the happiness of others. Just like a candle, burning oneself to brighten others. But, I have no regrets. To me, its part of the responsibilities, especially being the eldest, and as the breadwinner. Nevertheless, there are times...of course! And, as a result, after the session was over, I went to pamper myself at the Subang Parade, had my manicure and pedicure! Thought of going for some hair treatment after that, but had to rush home since one of my aunties invited us for a 'Nasi Dagang' gathering that nite.

Destressing oneself, in my opinion, is very subjective. To me, reading a good book with nice background songs is a bliss. Baking is also one way of destressing myself. Watching a good show is one too. Travelling or sight seeing is another one that I truly enjoyed. One thing I know for sure is that I am one person who really believe in myself and dare to take new challenges with confident, without a single doubt. I have learnt to depend on me, myself, long time ago. This is the attitude that I shaped in me to be what I am now. It was hard actually, damned hard. But, I survived. I stick to believe in me. I learnt to accept things and learnt to switch-off things that I could not accept, without feeling guilty whatsoever. Life is indeed stressful, but I have learned to take it in stride and walk talk, come what may... Not matter what people want to take from me, they just can't take away my dignity. Because I believe strongly in myself! Just like Whitney Houston's 'Greatest Love of All' eh? :)

Well, back at the office today, to some maybe, with a new perspective. A new way forward of taking matters in hand, to avoid stress... hmmm... to me... just be myself, stick to my beliefs and principles and continue as me...

The two-day session was indeed a great escapism from work and a chance to show my true colours and to mingle with my colleagues, in an informal situation. It was good. You had a chance to get to know people whom previously you smiled merely a second when you met at the corridor. Well, well, some people are not as how we perceived they were. And of course there will be someone who had touched your heart once you get to know them in a situation like this. I found one that I enjoyed talking to, with the same wavelength, worn the same thinking caps and enjoyed the same food. Thanks for being here friend and for the opportunity to get to know you better... Also, for introducing me to someone inspirational...appreciate it very much.

Kalambicara quits bicara now... to destress myself!

Sheer Laziness!

2007-11-04T21:49:00.000+08:00

I have things to write. Aplenty. Of what happened today and a few days ago. But, am so lazy to hit the keyboard. Seriously. Am I tired? Not really. But, my mind is running wild. So many things at every nook of my head... I am actually wandering... my mind is moving about without a fixed course, aim or goal!! I am on a winding road! This is really crazy. All the 5Ws and 1H are creating a puzzle in my head. I don't like it when I am like this. Gosh, truly am lazy to use my brain, to recall events today and a few days ago, etc. That is actually the target when I on the notebook just now, yet my mind is wandering...

Thats it. Yes, thats it for today. Fullstop.

Ooo...oopss... all of a sudden, this brownies/camping song is playing in my head and making me hitting this keyboard now...

I love to go a wandering
Along the mountain track
And as I go, I love to sing
My knapsack on my back

Valderi Valdera Valdera
Valdera ha ha ha ha
Valderi Valdera
My knapsack on my back.

Oh may I go a wandering
Until the day I die
Oh may I always laugh and sing
Beneath God's clear blue sky.

Hmmm...

Kalambicara is signing off to wander more... no bicara, merely becoming a wanderer!

Office Raya Do

2007-10-31T23:34:00.000+08:00

Despite my tiredness today, my mind is still active. Thus, the urge to write tonite.

Today my office organised a grand Raya Do... Raya Open House Celebration. The event began at 4.30 pm till 7.30 pm. Our first guest of honour that arrived before 5.00 pm was Dato' Kong Cho Ha, the Deputy Minister of MOSTI. Then we had the KSU, Dato' Hannan Alang Endut, Dato' Mohamed Awang Lah and a few others. Our invited VVIP, Dato' Seri Dr. Jamaluddin Jarjis, the Minister of MOSTI arrived at about 6.30 pm.

As the Corporate Communications Consultant, I was very happy when important guests that we invited really did turned up, some, to our surprise, beyond our expectation. Also, another thing that made me grin till the ears was the media attendance. I was glad that there were reps from Utusan, NST and Harian Metro. Had the opportunity to discuss a few matters with them and planned for some media coverage and publicity for the organisation. My CEO too had wonderful ideas which he voiced to the media reps and both parties are looking forward to a win-win situation.

Btw, earlier today we had two events, the first one held in the morning was a knowledge sharing session and the other one held at 2.00 pm was the launching of a roadshow for one of the services that we are offering. Tech n U of NST covered the second event which ended at about 4.30 pm, just as the Open House Celebration started.

As I mentioned in my blog yesterday that I will be busy today. True enough. Since preparing the media kit last nite until after the three events over today, I was so tight down. I did not manage to even taste most of the food at the Open House Celebration. Only ate three kind of dishes, the nasi tomato, laksam and satay. And, to finish each one, I had to pause and leave my food a few times. Why? Because I was wanted elsewhere, meeting guests who were looking for me, entertaining the media, arrival of VIPs and VVIPs, arrival of guest artist, some problem with the caterer, arrival of invited students from two schools, be on the lookout for the winners of best dressed staff, getting waiters to serve VIP table, this and that.

That is why normally during events, I seldom have the opportunity to really enjoy the food. No matter how sinfully tasteful it was. There will be disruptions. Might as well I waited till the event is over, then only I can enjoy the food. But for this Raya Do, the caterer was clearing the food so fast that by the time I came back to the hall after seeing the Minister off, there was no more food left! Was quite frustrated. Definitely will not take this caterer again. They got no PR at all. At least checked with me, the organiser, before packing everything. Huh, that is also the reason why I prefer the caterer that we knew and had good experience with. Nevertheless, this is really a lesson learnt, especially to my boss who recommended this caterer in the last minute. Never mind boss, now we know. There'll be no next time for this caterer.

Apart from entertaining and mingling around with the guests at all the events today, I was floating in the air. Some things had happened and did touch my heart. I'm scared. Yet, I am happy (am I really?!) I donno. And why is it happening to me, now? Only Allah SWT knows. I will leave everything to Allah SWT. One thing I know for sure is that there is always a reason for everything. I do believe in that. Well, que sera sera..., what ever will be, will be...the future's not ours to see...que sera sera!

Kalambicara feels so sleepy now...got to go, can't affort to continue bicara anymore!

Happenings

2007-10-30T23:34:00.000+08:00

Well, so many things has happened for the past few days. Actually so many stories to write. Many sentences are formed in my head, crystal clear, just don't have the time to write. I know thats not a good excuse, but what to do...thats the real fact.

Last Sunday, I went to Istana Budaya to watch P Ramlee The Musical. It was interesting and entertaining. Really salute the performers. They were all so great and acted wonderfully, especially Liza Hanim and Melissa Saila. Also had a chance to take pictures with the main cast, Liza Hanim, Atilia, Melissa Saila, Siti Nurhaliza and Sean Ghazi. Also managed to snap some with Mukhsin, Yasmin Ahmad and Zahim Albakri. Earlier saw a few other artists such as AC Mizal and his wife, Emilia Rosnaida and also Adlin Aman Ramli.

Well, I thought thats enough of meeting artists until months to come. I was wrong. Today I accompanied my CTO for live interview in TV3's women's talk show, Wanita Hari Ini. While she was on air, I was in the waiting room together with Rosyam Noor, Arash and Watie Elite. They were waiting to go on air as well to promote their new Samarinda entitled Iris which begins tonite. They were all so nice and friendly. We talked about safety internet usage (the services of our organisation), especially among kids (Rosyam shared some of his experience with his children), then exchange cards and took some pictures together. Fuh, within three days, so many artists came into my life... he he... Never thought that they are all so humble and very polite.

To be frank, I was actually fear of going to TV3. Not fear as in so scared of the lion or the sort, but fear of meeting old friends and old love! Thank God that many of those that had been in my life before, in one way or another, were on the other wing of the building. Was really glad. Actually not that I do not want to meet them, but just that I do not like to be hypocrites or pretentious. Come on, we have not been keeping in touch for so long...and a few matters are not fully resolved, so let the rubbish be under the carpet lah! I am not going to be the one who will sweep it clean. Hey, its not me who swept the rubbish under the carpet in the first place ok? (No further questions on these. Fullstop.)

Another incident that really touched my heart was the death of our Angkasawan's brother. I feel so sad for the charming gutsy brilliant Sheikh Muzaphar for the demise of his beloved brother. Truly I can imagine the sorrow, the pain and the agony the family are experiencing. Instead of joy and laughter on the successful mission of the Angkasawan, they got to continue with the mourning. A great pity, truly. Only Allah SWT knows the reason to all happenings. Nothing can beat the Almighty...Qun Fayakun Qun! Alfatihah to the late Sheikh Mustafa.

Today, early morning, at 3.00 am, I received another addition to my family. My sister-in-law just gave birth to a baby boy, a third one for her. This makes my mum now a Tok Ma to six grandchildren, 3 boys and 3 girls. Poor mum wanted so much to visit them in Kemaman but we are all so busy to drive her down. (My mum has never taken a ride on a public transport except plane!) I was so tight with the TV3 appearance of our CTO and the Seminar and company Raya Open House tomorrow. This weekend I had to attend a Stress Management course organised by HR at one of the hotels in Subang Jaya, so it'll be like a fortnight later, only then we can go. Sorry mum... sabar le... after all, everybody is now safe and healthy.

I have lots of pics to put in the blog but had no time to upload them yet. So will write first and update with pics later on. You may look at them some other time ok? Sorry about that. Guess I got to sign off now, tomorrow is a big day. Media people will be around for the launching of the roadshow tomorrow, got to entertain them. Also got to look at the overall preparation and coordination of our corporate Raya Open House... phew! thinking about the two events really made my adrenalin rushing like rapids.

Kalambicara got to rush now... will bicara again tomorrow...ciao!

Flashback #3 - 1 Syawal 1428 Hijrah

2007-10-27T19:46:00.000+08:00

Its the 1st day of Syawal. Its Raya today.

My feelings.... its a mixed one... Am happy that we gonna have lots of family gatherings and lots and lots of festive food. But, also sad... leaving the wonderful month of Ramadhan - the month that really made me 'muhasabah diri' and lots of 'keinsafan'. (he he macam poyo je bunyi kan?) But, thats the fact la. Though I am the 'gila-gila' type but I always examine myself, looking at my self performance towards other living things, especially human!

Though I slept almost early morning, but still I woke up early for the special day. Had my 'mandi sunat hari raya fitrah', put on my best dress and ready for the Solat Raya at the mosque... nevertheless, had a slight misunderstanding with one of my two brothers and did not go to the mosque! There goes my 1st Syawal prayer... quite sad, but...hmmm don't wanna make the matter worst since he came here only 4-5 times a year, so bear with his behaviour! Malas le nak gaduh di pagi raya niiii.....! Nanti nak maaf-maaf pulak, macam tak real!

I then went straight to the kitchen to prepare the chocolate topping for my Arabian Chocolate Cake. While in the middle of doing so, those that went for the prayer came back. Everybody sibuk nak beraya... takut nanti orang datang tak sempat. So we started the usual raya rituals, asking for forgiveness from my mom. As the eldest I had to start. As usual too, this is always the most touching moment and what Raya really means. Definitely lots of kisses, tears shed free flow la... and nieces and nephews started to be curious and the chaos decellerate... Then of course there'll be someone who will break the ice and started to make silly jokes merely to bring us back to reality and not to be too emotional...he he...

For us this time. it was my niece, Nor Naily Aishah, the main ice breaker. She was throwing tantrum the time we were distributing the 'duit raya'. Know why? She wanted to put the green packets in a pocket like what her brother did, putting all them in the pocket of his baju melayu. Of course the baju melayu got three pockets, but hers is the modern baju kurung, with lining and all, where got pocket ma? So, of course this little cutie started to cry and almost tearing her nice baju kurung. At last, she just threw all the green packets that we gave her. Refused to hold them, though her mum had prepared her a nice pink girlish handbag full of sequins! She wanted a baju melayu! Kids will be kids. Anyway, some of us still continue with the 'forgiveness seeking session'... he he

Our first guest was my auntie with her children and grandchild. Then an old friend of mine that I mentioned in my earlier postings entitled Old School Friends. Well, he and his family came. I was so surprised to see him, now almost 'botak'! He was the Assistant Head Prefect and we had not met for the last 28 years! Imagine. It was indeed a meaningful Raya for me. Then many of my ex-classmates during secondary school who are now residing in KL came. All are actually my Chinese friends. Well, we only had five Malays in my class, and out of that only two Malay girls, including me. So, of course most of my friends are Chinese. We had a jolly good time, talking none stop. Everybody wants to speak. Everybody wants to reminince the good old schooling days. Such a jolly good time. My neighbours came too, also Chinese... Most of my Malay neighbours had gone out of town anyway. By evening, we almost collapsed. Had a short rest and after the Maghrib prayer, we went to my auntie's house in Putra Height.

End of my day 1 of Syawal 1428.

To all the ardent readers of my blog, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri 1428 Hijrah. Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Kalambicara signing off from bicara...till then...

Flashback #2 - Final Raya Preparation

2007-10-19T18:06:00.001+08:00

I know, I know... this title is almost out of date now. But, come on, I was so busy with the final preparation and the Raya do that I manage to find time only today, to flashback on what happened then. Seriously there was hardly any time for me to sit and write cos' by the time I wanted to do so, its always long past midnite and I could easily doze off with just a blink! Anyway, while reading this, just imagine yourself watching a movie with flashback stories, ok? mua ha ha ha ha.....

Esok Hari Raya! Esok Hari Raya! ... the excitement is in the air… and as usual beginning dawn, past dusk till way past midnight, I was busy in the kitchen. While my mum and my sister were busy with the ketupat, I was busy with baking cakes. Btw our ketupat is the Kelantanese style i.e glutinous rice with coconut milk and sugar and wrap using ‘daun palas’. My mum made three versions, one portion plain without sugar, one with sugar and ‘black-eye pea’ (not the rap group!) or we called it ‘kace cetok’ in Kelantanese and the other one is also sweet with fillings of ‘serunding daging’. They are delicious and high calories! But, very famous among my mum’s siblings and close relatives because everybody said my mum’s ‘ketupat pulut’ is on par with the one made by her late mother.

I started baking at about 11.00 am, beginning with the Arabian Chocolate Cake (with cocoa, dates and coffee), Fruit Cake (I normally baked this much earlier but due to time constraint this year, its just a day before Raya) and some cupcakes (about 63 pieces). In between waiting for the cakes to be taken out of the oven, I assisted mum later with all the ‘lauk pauk’ for the ‘nasi hujan panas’ that she’s going to prepare as the main Raya dish. Helped her make ‘ayam masak merah’, ‘kerutup daging’, ‘kuah dalca with tripes and beef, ‘sambal lada’ and ‘acar mentah’. We also made 'nasi impit' and 'kuah kacang'.

I also helped my mum to prepare food for the final break fast for this year’s Ramadhan. A simpe one simply because we were busy with the big day preparation. Am happy for the Eid Mubarak tomorrow, but also sad to leave Ramadhan and the Tarawikh prayers. Hmmm… will I be alive to experience next Ramadhan? Insyaallah. Btw, my other sisters were busy spring cleaning the house, rearranging the furnitures and putting the cookies and snacks in collective cookie jars. All of us hardly watch the various interesting tv programmes

Btw, remember the sofa set that I sent for upholstery? Well, they were not ready on time. So the shop owner sent us another sofa set on loan for the time being and of course with loads of apologies for not fulfilling her promise to deliver before Raya. I was quite upset, but since the sofa that she sent for us to use temporarily were quite nice and elegance looking, we kind of okayed with the situation. No hot steam shed, only cool vapour… A win-win situation, I guess, in a way.

The fruits of my labour!

I finished with the butter frosting/toppings for the cupcakes at about 3.00 am. My whole body was so sore that I had difficulty to fall asleep. I was tossing left and right to get a good position but the body was aching at all angles. Guess it must have taken me hours before I dozed off. But, after all the tiredness, I am happy and satisfied with my bakings and helping my mum in the kitchen. All these are like an annual routine for my family.

Another batch. Phew...quite a tedious job la!

The final preparation for the recent Hari Raya was indeed a tiring one but full of love and joy. Everything were made with love blooming in the air. Its really the joyous moments., especially when family gathered together, nieces and nephews screaming here and there and the tv was mainly tuned to cartoon channel! We look forward to Hari Raya the next day with full of anticipation and happiness, though there were moments when we missed our beloved father...

Kalambicara needs a good rest, for tomorrow is a big day. Am quiting bicara now...

Flashback #1 - My Birthday

2007-10-18T18:03:00.000+08:00

Birthday wrapper from Chique.

11 October. Thats the day. My birthday. Many many moons ago! I said many many moons ago, so stop wondering about my age!

Was too busy with the celebration and also preparation for Raya that I did not have time to post this earlier. Anyway, this year my birthday falls during the fasting month of Ramadhan. Just 2 days before Syawal. We (my mum, my three sisters, my brother and his wife and myself - 7 of us) went to the Palace of the Golden Horses (POGH) in Mines Sri Kembangan for the celebration. My youngest sister, Adik, a dental student, was the happiest one. She really knows how to enjoy food and truly step-up to the food feast.

Buffet Spread at The Carousal, POGH

My mum was happy too. She is actually the best Cook in the world. So if we were to spend RM70-80 for one person's meal, to her is a big waste. She will say, "Give it all to me and I can cook much better food!" But mum, the ambience at the hotel and at home is different. That is how at last we managed to coax her to break fast at POGH. True enough, she enjoyed the ambience, the big vases available at the lobby area and apart from eating the varieties of food, she was the one who posed a lot for the pictures, especially near vases, for memories she said. Mum, mum...

Main lobby of the Palace of the Golden Horses

I'm blessed that this year I managed to bring my beloved family members to a hotel for my birthday celebration. Am very thankful to Allah swt for all that has been provided to me this wonderful year and may the coming years be more prosperous and a much healthier me. Amin! Many thanks also to Sharul Ismanizam, the Sales Manager of POGH and Sharmila, my colleague at work, for this wonderful arrangement.

O' oh... forgot to mention the birthday gifts that I received. Well, I got two replicas of a tiger. One a tiger (a cubby actually) tabletop utility holder and the other a cute tiger mug, from my sisters Ajey and Achik and a rechargeable tooth brush (which I have been eyeing for quite some time) from my future dentist sister, Adik. Not to forget, a tortoise (or is it turtle?) handphone stand from Yati, my colleague at work. Well, you may wonder why tiger and why the tortoise? Actually they are my two favourite animals. Tiger because I was born in the year of the tiger according to the Chinese Horoscope, my likings for tiger, the endangered species and also because I am fierce like the tiger (thats what my siblings said!) Tortoise and/or turtle are pets. I have been rearing them for the past four years and some have been sent back to their habitat. Ok, enough about the gifts. Its the thought that counts most anyway.

A print-out wishes and the rechargeable toothbrush from Adique.

The cute tiger cubs replicas from Ajey and Achique, at work.

The soft handphone stand from Yati.

Talking about birthdays, it has always been my tradition that I will take leave on THE day. Reason: I do not like birthday surprises at work. I will get embarassed easily. Also, people will start asking my age and when I responded, they will said, "Really?!" What? Can't I be gila-gila at this very ripe age, eh? I am forever young at heart and possesses an active mind and soul like a teenager. My eagerness to try everything in this world never cease. I love jungle trekking and had tracked almost all jungle routes in Frazer's Hill and Cameron Highlands. I've gone white water rafting as far as Sg. Pedas near the Tenom Valley in Beaufort, Sabah. I've gone cave escavation in Batu Caves when I was a member of the Malaysian Nature Society (MNS). Well, at this age, still healthily alive and kicking, I am proud to say that I am truly satisfied with all God giving things. Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Apart from all that, I have family members who love and care for me, their Kak Long, all the time...yo ko caye Ayong? he he Alhamdulillah, I am really blessed and thankful that I still live to enjoy this XX birthday surrounded by people whom I love and care dearly. Thanks a lot dearest Ma and Ba' (my late father) for bringing me to this world. Though words did not say much when face-to-face, but deep inside me, I love you all very much... Don't know what my life will be without you, my beloved parents and my siblings. Muaaahhhhhsssss!!! And Al-Fatihah to my late father. Amin.

Kalambicara is so touched and close to tears...

...thus, has to stop bicara now.

Shopping Spree!

2007-10-11T00:38:00.000+08:00

My Raya holidays starts today till next Tuesday, 16 October. My mission today is shopping till I drop! Not for me, eh… for my nieces and nephews laaa. Also some final grocery list that my mum had prepared long before I wake up this morning!

Target for mission: Sunway Pyramid. Arrived there at around 11.00 am. Not many people. Great. Partly because it’s a working day or some have gone out of town aka ‘balik kampung’, maybe.

Its been quite some time since I last shop for children’s clothing. My o’ my, so many brands available and all at reasonable prices. Mostly are soooooo cute! Be it boys’ clothings or little girls’ dresses. I was almost gone bonkers, wanting to pick almost everything into my shopping basket…

How can one little girl not growing up to be so `gedik’ a teenager if as toddlers their ‘baju’ are already so fancy, fashionable, in-trend, so girlish, so huggable, you just want to dress them up like playing dolls! Honestly, I can’t resist the temptation to purchase not one each but In the range of 2-3 pairs for each.

See beloved nieces and nephews, you are damned lucky to have me as your Ayong. Of course I know, the big grin will be their parents, I was actually helping them to save! And me ended, the bid spender!

From Sunway Pyramid, I went to Giant Bandar Puteri Puchong for my next mission. Remember? The grocery list from my mum… nak kena ler kalau tak beli. And, my little red Piccanto was packed with shopping bags that you can’t even see the back seat!

Well, in any shopping spree, I realized that I normally go off-course, meaning buying things that were earlier not in the plan. For example today, I can’t recall how it happened but I ended up buying myself a pair of stilettos, a few sets of beautiful serving dish for the dining table and a new set of hand mixer! All those are in need anyway…he he … am happy though. Thanks to my sister, Chik, a QS student on holiday, who accompanied me and not only be my butler aka porter but also willingly be my chauffeur for the day.

After all the spree today… kalambicara really needs a good rest from bicara!

Baking eh?

2007-10-08T00:35:00.000+08:00

With full of zest, I started my day today planning to bake some Chocolate Chip Cookies for Raya. I have a few versions of the recipes and never did the same recipe twice. I am the type who likes to try new recipes and amend accordingly. Since I bought the Hershey's Milk Chocolate Chips, I thought of trying the recipes available at the packaging. But, in the process, I realized the dough was so soft... something is wrong somewhere. With a bit of frustration, I, as usual, had to make my own adjustments to the dough. See, when you have been baking often, you will know the texture of the dough whether its gonna turn out well or not. As alternative to flour, I blended some oats into powdery form and added to the dough until I could feel the right texture. Tried baking the first tray. It turned out well. Looks and smells good, just like the free smell from the great Famous Amos cookies. Asked my youngest sister who was not fasting to taste, and she ended up finishing almost a whole tray to herself while watching television. From there I knew the answer. And am satisfied with myself.

My Chocolate Chip Cookies

Baking has always been my passion. But due to my tight schedule (plus laziness at times!), I seldom embark into it. With the advent of the internet, I can get various recipes. Last three weeks I tried the Apple and Walnut Cake. (Just because we had so many apples uneaten in the refrigerator). Everybody likes it so much that I baked one each week for three consecutive weeks. Everybody in the house also know that when I started to bake, then I'm okay. But, if I spent time gazing at the ceiling in my bedroom, then something is not right. So obvious laaa....right?! (Jibeng pun tahu...!) Now they are pestering me to make pumpkin pie with vanilla icecream. I've done that before and it was so sinfully tasteful. Definitely not going to do it for Raya. Thats for special family occasion.

Somehow or rather, I do feel that some people do not sincerely post their recipes correctly. Many times, when trying new recipes, I have to adjust accordingly. I normally encontered with disaster if I followed strictly to the recipes given. Theres always a bit of adjustment to be done. I learnt my lesson well. Guess, that might be some of their ways to protect their IPR! (Intellectual Property Rights - betul tak Wadi? he he).

I planned to bake three more types of cookies for Raya and a few cakes and some cupcakes with icing toppings but am not sure whether I have time or not. Had bought all the ingredients for baking and had identified what to bake, just a matter of doing it. Work is still aplenty at the office that I dare not take leave too long before Raya, though I still have a few more days before my contract as the Consultant ends in January. Que Sera Sera!

Enough bicara, got to go to bed (and start gazing at the ceiling!) for tomorrow is a working day.

Kalambicara stops bicara now. zzzzzzzzz...

Old School Friends

2007-10-05T00:37:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, at work, all of a sudden, out of the blues, I received a call from a friend whom I have not seen for the last 28 years! (I know, I know... you must be guessing my age now!) Last was when we were together in the same school and he was the Assistant Head Prefect. Well, I am not the type who will easily pick up calls from unknown numbers at my mobile, but somehow or rather, I had the intuition to just answered the call. He was addressing me by the name that I was called then, and speaking in fluent Kelantanese dialect. And, hes a Chinese guy! Nevertheless, you know your friend and with just a few words uttered, I could easily guess who he is. I was smiling and widely grinning from ear-to-ear. To make the story short, he will be coming to KL next week with his family and will be meeting me on Raya eve. Seronoknya!

How he got my number, eh? Well, two weeks earlier, also a freind whom we have not met for 28 years as well, came to KL (from Tawau where he now resides) and a few of us met for 'buka puasa' at Holiday Villa, Subang, with assistance from another friend, of course. With this particluar guy, though we have not met for so long, we did emailing each other, just not met face-to-face until that 'buka puasa' day. He was the Head Prefect then and the surprise call was from his assistant from schooling days! Words get around via the net and the friend of mine got my number. This borderless world that we are living now really make me excited. Thank God that I am still alive to experience all these internet thingy!

Talking about friends, do you realize that in our life we encountered with many groups of friends... As for me. I gathered friends from various stages of my life. Primary school friends, secondary school friends (some from primary left to go to boarding schools) where we were joined by friends from remove classes (chinese or tamil schools), then form six friends, then university friends (coursemates/hostelmates/association mates) and then office mates. The more places you worked, the more friends you g0t... and the list will go on... But, somehow or rather, whether we realized it or not, we do not keep in touch with all, right? Some are so near, yet so far. And some, distant makes heart grows fonder! Betul tak? We tend to be selective. We keep in contact only those that leaves a mark in our heart, a footprint in our soul.

To me, friends from the schooling days are the most sincere ones. We were so innocent and naive. We spoke our minds like nobody's business. We argued worst than cats and dogs. We really fought like great enemies. We competed in everything as though the winner will be the King of the country. Then after all that, we made amends and we hugged and kissed like lovers. We truly forgive and forget like the wound without scar. And the funniest thing is we did it over and over again, so many times, laughed and cried, kicked and kissed and so on....until we left school. That is why those friends are the lasting friends. I believe in that so much.

Friends in campus or friends at work, all have hidden agendas that only God knows. Why? Because the situation demands us so. In universities, we hungered for good grades. Thus, there were friends who would not share study materials with you for fear that you will get better grades. There are also friends who did their assignment to the last minute, merely to get ideas from other friends' assignments first... and later got higher grades, etc. At work, there are friends who stabbed you from your back, backmouthing you to your superior or other colleagues, affecting your year-end appraisal and so on... These my friends, do happen. So, my advice, be cautious... at this stage of life, its really difficult to identify a friend or a foe. Believe me, it is not easy to find needles in the haystack! Just be smart. Most importantly, be yourself, do your best and then leave everything to God the Almighty.

That is why, I truly cherish my old school friends.

Enough bicara, kalambicara must stop bicara now! Till then...

Choices and Decisions

2007-10-02T20:49:00.000+08:00

Throughout our life, we are exposed to making choices, having options and making decisions. From toddler to adolescent to mature adult, most of the things we encountered are about making decisions based on choices and options available. I remembered as a young child, I was given options by my father to choose either a strawberry flavoured lollipop, a chocolate flavoured one, or plain vanilla flavour. And, when I took a long time to decide, I was scolded. Man, its not easy to decide, even a young child knows that, and that is the reason why they wanted all flavours, lick a little of the strawberry flavour, two licks of the chocolate flavour and a bit of the vanilla flavour. After tasting all, thats the end. "I don't want it anymore, mama!" Sounds familiar, eh?

Well, as a mature adult now... today I was given the task to make a decision. It was nothing major, actually. I took leave today simply to hunt for a nice contemporary tv cabinet and to choose fabric for the upholstery of our sofa. Yes, raya is just around the corner. We (my beloved brother and his beloved wife) went to a few shops., compared the prices and alas found one shop which is very much reasonable. For the sofa, we managed to get the same fabric from the previous shop (same fabric brand -Elyza) and the transportation is only RM60 as compared to the earlier shop which charges RM160. But boy.... the time we spent to decide... flowers or stripes or checkered or plain... then type of cloth... etc. When we decided to go for flowers, other options asked by the shopowner, English Rose? Staton Rose? Pure Rose? Country Rose? Wild Rose?.... my oh my... we were almost insane with the designs. Nevertheless, after almost the whole afternoon spent in weighing all the options, we consensusly agreed to go for Country Rose and plain maroon scattered cushions were given free.

Country Rose, sofa fabric design by Elyza...the chosen one.

Phew! At last. ... and there goes my one day leave today... and still without mission totally accomplished. We did not have time to check on the tv cabinet! hmmm.... got to wait till the weekend ...

Kalambicara opts to quit bicara for today... see ya!

The First One

2007-10-01T22:42:00.001+08:00

At last I am doing it, creating my own blog! Been wanting to do it for so long but keep procrastinating. One fine day, another fine day, until today...least that I planned. Not even changed my office attire to home dress yet. True then what many said, don't plan, just do it when you have the urge to do. Do not wait till you have finished certain tasks or wait for a good day, good mood, good weather, whatsoever. So here I am... and am feeling contented that I actually am doing it, now. Bravo to myself.

My first posting, I'm gonna touch a bit on principles. I am always known to be someone who really stood tall for what I believe in, also my principles. I was known by many who knew me, as the Lady of Principle, Lady of Substance, Full of Preseverance etc (Juaina, I know you must be laughing reading this!) Its happening again today when one of my principles been evoked. Yes, right. I'm been informed to do something that I knew all along had to be done and had even voiced it out. And now, I was asked to do that simple task. Hellloooooo!!! Gosh! I was screaming inside. When the words was said to my face, inside me was humming..."na nanana na, na nanana na"! Don't ask me what, not going to detail it out, but basically I was pissed off at work today! Period.

Enough of my first posting.

Till the next one,.. Kalambicara temporarily quits bicara!