Half Year Review

O' How time flies... theres only one week i.e only seven (7) days left before we reach August. It makes me shivers, can feel it till my spines... thinking of the lost time... the one thing that you'll never get back when its gone. Ouch! What good have I done so far in 2008? Am thinking of any great achievement... ada la ...kut... very minor...kut...entah!

I do not wish to take work achivement into consideration here. Am thinking so much of self achievement. For myself, as an individual, a person, a human being, a living thing. Sigh...

It seems like I am not doing much for myself. Not really taking good care of my well being, my health, my diet, etc. I have been procrastinating a lot, day dreaming a lot, sleeping a lot (kononnya over problems), eating a lot (kononnya sbb stress)... O' gosh, scarry nyer bila pikir.

I know its never too late to start things over, after all whats passed is past laa... Aarrggghhh! ... Never mind... Am not going to reminince about all these. What I need now is to do some alignment and balancing acts as soon as possible and get all things on me running smoothly, without any more hiccups. These include some of my resolutions made (in my head) early of the year. I really have to do these, or else I will regret later. I know this for sure.

Else... ok lah... Family - very supportive and loving mum and great siblings (yg kdg suka jugak buli this Kak Long...sabor je la) with a little bit of ups and downs, thats normal la and it makes us getting closer... Friends - nasib baik ada geng lulur and a flower girl yg forever entertaining and making me feeling forever young, and also one who is ever willing to lend me the ears...(ye ker willing eh?). Come to think of all these, my life is good actually! Thanks all dearly... muuaaahhss!

Guess right now... another five more months to go before accomplishing my mission for year 2008, I really have to take things seriously and do things accordingly and timely. If not, I will go kaput! One thing for sure, instead of roaming like a tiger (thats what my siblings said) many a times, I need to laugh and smile a lot too... (Sometimes I look solemn and down...not pretty, eh?)

Ok ok.... Kalambicara got to go now to practice facial expressions in front of a mirror! Mua ha ha ha !

Hello Again!

I know I have not been posting anything here for almost three months now... Whether you want to know the reasons (or rather, my excuses) or not, I hereby am listing them down anyway:

1. I was too occupied with work... so many things to accomplish and so many deadlines to meet.

2. I was in a confused state of mind, thinking so much of some personal matters, especially those that touched my heart.

3. I was assigned an additional task, as Project Manager for the Corporate Annual Report 2007 and was given two (2) months to accomplish... thus, becoming more occupied. (The printed copies of the Annual Report was delivered as scheduled - 18 June 2008. The next day, five copies were delivered to MOF. Phew! On time la!)

4. I was waiting for the right mood... it just did not come! (ya right?!)

5. I had so many ideas, and pictures captured for blogging purposes... but too tired to write creatively. (forever tired maa!)

6. I keep procrastinating... tonight... no, tomorrow night... and so on... all due to my mental tiredness after hard day's work.

7. Matters of the heart affected my brain... making me a lazy thinker...

8. Matters of the heart ... again... made me staring wide-eyed at the ceiling, for so many nights... till I fell asleep. (pure laziness, actually eh?)

9. Busy at work, implementing all the planned activities, ensuring that the centre is up and running smooth and efficiently.

10. So many meetings attended, day after day, that the only time to really work was at night, either at home or at the office.

11. My planned vacation to Bali... was great and forgotten about everything else.

12. Busy browsing, doing research for my PhD proposal, keep changing the topic before finally endorsing one and agreed by supervisor. Alas, submitted last month..(am now waiting for August's review session - dgn penuh debaran). (Honestly, with the workload and all, it was a miracle to accomplish even a proposal. I donno how, in the coming years, with the research to be done...citations to be compiled, etc... I will definitely become bonkers, if not zombie!)

13. The Sirim ISMS Audit... phew...another meticulous departmental tasks to accomplish and to be prepared, mental and physical.

14. Another vacation, with family, to Cherating/Kemaman... but was bombarded with a zillion calls, sms and emails from office (especially the COO himself...aarrrgggghhh!!!)

15. Again... no mood to write...though many ideas triggered my mind... (Plain malas le!)

16. Procrastinate, procrastinate and procrastinate... sampai dah jadi habit till now... (baru sedar konon!)

17. Mid Year KPI Review Session and target setting... (another headache, another rush!)

18. Doing extra work for extra income i.e proofread a book for the National Department for Culture and Arts, Ministry of Culture, Arts and Heritage entitled "Joget Pahang Gamelan Melayu - The Classical Essemble of the Pahang Royal Court) (Like I do not have enough work to do eh? But, hey, got extra income maa...thank God that I let go lecturing this year...)

Well... the list can go on... merely excuses kan? Hmmm... today somehow or rather... I feel the urge to write... especially when the ISMS Audit Closing Meeting was over at 5.00 pm today. Me, felt so contented and proud of the company as well. Was so happy when the Lead Auditor announced in the boardroom as below:

"Ladies and gentlemen, With no NCR recorded, we, representing SIRIM QAS International, hereby recommend CyberSecurity Malaysia be awarded with the ISO/IEC 27001:2005 Certification..."

The announcement was followed by a big applause from all of us, members of the management. We are happy. It was tough. In fact, though we were the second company in the country to be awarded with this certification, we actually beat the first company if compared by the number of staffing that we have.

Frankly, adhering to ISMS (Information Security Management System) is not an easy task but we managed, though with some rooms for improvement. So, till next year's surveillance audit, we will try our best to maintain and improve all our processes, policies and uphold our dignity in our quest to 'secure our cyberspace'.

Bravo to all, especially to the SMBP (Security Management and Best Practices) team for making it happened. Also to my team, for all the hardwork and effort put, keep it up KRCians!

Enough for now... Kalambicara is signing off smilingly...over and out.

Believe so...

Someone close to you is so depressed.

Someone close to you is feeling so down.

What do you say to that someone?

How do you console them?

That its just one of the challenges of life...

That Allah swt. is testing us...

That we have to be more patience...

That we have to be strong...

That we have to hold tightly to our belief...

That we have to reinforce and enrich our time with Allah swt. ...

That we have to have faith in Allah swt. ...

What else do we say to that someone?

People know all these. Just that they tend to forget ... or lose hope?

Should we? I don't think so.

Hope is all that we have.

Hope is 'the one thing' that we have to hold dear too... in all circumstances

I believe we have to trust Allah swt. for HE knows what is in store for us....

Have trust. Have faith. For Allah swt. is there for us, all the time, good or bad.

Thats the best I can say. Guess you have to believe so too...

Insyaallah you will feel good. Insyaallah you will feel great.

The feeling of depression ... its all in our thoughts. You can control them. I believe so.

Everything happens for a reason. We all know this. But, like myself too, we need to stop and think...

Not to think of what the reason is... thats beyond our mind...

But, to believe that theres a reason why things happened ... believe that something good, something worth waiting for, is there for you... we never know... nobody knows... (Of course Allah swt knows) ... until it happens. So no question. Just believe so. Period.

Kalambicara needs some time to be with Allah swt. ...

Life is a Gift

Today before you think of saying an unkind word
Think of someone who can't speak.

Today before you complain about life
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

And when you are tired and complain about your job
Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another
Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down
Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.

Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, And fulfill it.

I like the wordings above. They were meant to cheer me up... to think positively and to avoid myself from going bonkers! :)

Kalambicara is ending today's post with the quote below:

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR GOALS TO BRING THEM IN LINE WITH YOUR LIFE.

ADJUST YOUR LIFE TO BRING YOU IN LINE WITH YOUR GOALS.

Till then...

Theres a reason...

I know that I have not been posting anything here for almost a month now. Earlier, I was not in my right mind... A few things were complicating my mind and it affected by body and soul. It was hard controlling oneself, holding tightly, so as not to be blown off ... but after much ado, (soul searching, lots of thinking, muhasabah diri and all), I survived, though razor thin... sigh.

I had given enough time to understand situations and learn to accept people as they are (not as what you expected, wanted them to be or to change them to your standards set, etc) and to accept the fact that all incidents happened with a reason. Its the Almighty's way of testing oneself, your endurance, courage, faith and above all, because the Almighty loves you and do not want you to be drifted further... It is also the Almighty's way to ensure that one is on the right track...I believe so.

Anyway, put that aside, I am back. Am feeling good. Am enjoying what I am doing so far... Reading has always been my passion, what more when I now have the opportunity to work in an environment surrounded by reading materials - books, journals, magazines... and books too (both physical and virtual) being the core services of my department. I truly like...

Today, my close confidante at work left the company, for good. I am supposed to feel sad, but I don't. Not really. I refused to bid farewell to her, though we took a moment to hug each other and giggling while doing so.

Both of us understood that from tomorrow onwards, we will not be working together in this same organisation. Thats all. We are not parting and going away from each other. We might not see each other everyday, but theres always the means of communication. We live in a borderless world. Thus, nothing is impossible and theres no reason not to communicate or not keeping in touch. I know we will still share secrets and all and had already set a date for our next outing, so theres no reason for me to seriously bid farewell.

Yes, I do miss her, already... missed sharing stories and confiding matters to each other, but that gives me a chance to compile and to add more spices so that our next communication session will be much heated up... So, till then ... Azila Alya Dahalan... I know you are such a courageous lady, and I believe that you can easily overcome all, through thick and thin, walk tall and glory will be yours, soon. Remember, La Tahzan and semua yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. Insyaallah.

Kalambicara signing off for now...

Away but near...

Got this via sms at 8.17 pm tonight...

"Friendship is being together in good and bad times, being honest with yourself and each other, respecting the truth and never pretending, and understanding that it is complete accepting to the other person just the way they are. Friendship is missing the other person when they are away but remaining near in heart forever..."

Thanks for the wonderful thoughts...

Am reminincing the precious moments and wondering ... (the song 'When will I see you again' by The Three Degrees is suddenly playing in my head so clearly that my vision is now blurry...)

Kalambicara is sad and needs to bring herself together before it gets worst...

Its Raining!

I just love the weather tonight.

Its been quite some time since we get rainy nights. The type of rain that they call 'raining cats and dogs.' (Wonder how cats and dogs got the credit here!) Not the type of rain that comes together with dark cloudy weather, strong stormy winds, lightning and thunder...no no no... that type...I fear.

This 'cats and dogs' rain is merely 'heavy rainfalls' and thats all. No lightning. No thunder. No storms. Just plain crystal clear droplets of water falling from the sky.

Am sitting on my bed, with the notebook on the pillow, typing this post...in a happy and cool mood. My company tonite is Barry Manilow. His serenade is so soothing, sooooo touching...O' so goooood! This is what I called 'real chill out'.

Barry Manilow has been accompanying me for so many years. I studied through university days... with him. When I fell in and out of love... he was there. He was with me all the time, up till now. His songs touched the heart of mine so very much.

Among Barry's songs that captured my heart and soul are Sometimes When We Touch, Can't Smile Without You, I Write The Song, I Made It Through The Rain... and many many more. In fact, all his songs are captivating and mesmerising. The lyrics are great too.

When I was small, rainy nights like this, my siblings and I will gather in the living room, all in pyjamas and covering ourselves with own blankets. My dad will be sitting on the sofa. The television will normally be switched off. My dad is an ardent believer that the television could easily be faulty if it is switched on during heavy rain, especially when there's lightning. Well those days, we depended a lot on the aerial, the metal rods, normally placed atop of house roofs. Astro? Nope. Not in our vocabulary then.

This is the time when my father will start his storytelling. Mostly true stories of his childhood days and real life experiences. Sometimes, he told us some ghost stories, also from his own encounters. It was indeed fun. Scarry but fun. We laughed. We screamed. We formed body cluster in the centre of the living room.

Being someone involved in teaching profession (my late father was a school Headmaster), he really knew how to attract our attention and instill interest and enthusiasm. He is a real master in story telling. My mum called him 'tok selampit'. I guess that suits him...

Talking about my mum... Well... on nights like this, she really knows how to play her role as a mother. When she saw all of us wide-eyed looking and listening to my father's ramblings, she will go to the kitchen and cooked something to serve us. From the living room, we could smell the 'jemput-jemput' or sometimes 'keropok' that she was frying.

Not long after, she will be bringing a big tray which consists of a jug of tea, some mugs and the freshly fried 'jemput-jemput' to the living room. All of us will throw the blankets away and started reaching for the food. My dad will normally ended his story abruptly. To be continued...he said, as usual, on another fine rainy day.

Rainy days like tonight, is too nostalgic for me... Many more that I can reminince. Maybe in my other postings later on. You see... both my parents really complement each other, especially in our upbringing. My dad will feed us with food for soul and my mum will feed us with food for the body. Sigh. How I wish we could turn back the clock. I really missed my dad. May he rest in peace. AlFatihah.

Now, at this age...during rainy days like this, I prefer to be alone. At the solitude of my room. I know if I am not writing this posting, I will end up reading a novel. Or I might just stand by the window sill, watching the rainfalls. I will be wide awake. I will never feel sleepy on rainy days. I become so alive on rainy days. My siblings know about this behaviour of mine. Even my roommates throughout my school and university days knew that I am like this. I really am so into rainy days. Not like most of my friends. They will jump onto bed and force themselves to go to sleep. No...No...Not me. I really went bonkers on rainy days.

I just love rainy days. I also love the smell of the environment when the rain stops. Everything seems so clean. So fresh.

This posting has reached the end. But, the rain has not stopped yet. This gives me time to see the rain. Especially those near the streetlights. Further...its dark. O' rain... rain... Got to stand by the window now...

"...And sometimes when we touch,
The honesty too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I want to hold you 'til I die
'til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you
'til The fear in me subsides..."

Hmmm... Barry Manilow's 'Sometimes When We Touch' is in the air ... and I am so touched!

Kalambicara wanted to observe the rain before it stops...till then..gtg

LOL

Its been quite sometime that I really laugh. Honestly, I just can't remember when I was at my happiest moments. Here I am, trying hard to recall the time that I enjoyed a good laugh. I just can't remember when. So pathetic...! Sigh.

This makes me want to cry. And I don't want to. I had enough tears shed lately. No, am not going to cry anymore. But...when was it ya?...

Yes, it was fun when we met during Chinese New Year gathering at Suat Chu's last Saturday. Met Zuber, whom I have not seen for the last 28 years! Also, met Zuhdi, whom we last saw each other during Primary 6, way back 33 years ago! Though it was indeed a special moment, but, I did not really laugh out loud. We were busy sharing stories of our whereabout during those separation years. We did laugh a few times in the course of storytelling, but not laughing to the point of holding your breath and your stomach so hard, or till you're red faced, or till all of us jumped up and down... No. It was not like that.

CNY @ Suat Chu's

So now... I am still thinking hard of my happiest moments and great laugh...

Does this mean that I am not enjoying myself now? Did I not know how to have fun now?

Me, of all persons, was always the centre of attention especially when I spoke or made jokes. But now, I rarely crack a joke. Of late, I rarely mingle with others. Yesterday, a few colleagues commented on me being different. Hmmm.... Heard the same comments from my siblings too. Right now it seems that my preference is to be alone. Do my things, alone. Truly enjoying my moments, alone.

Hopefully no one is fretting. Hopefully no heart is broken. Nothing was done on purpose. It all come naturally. I honestly did not realize that I am doing all those things, alone...until someone mentioned it to me. Sigh.

Well, it is not bad to be alone, right? I am okay. I am so used to loneliness. But when people highlighted it to me... it triggers my thought. And, I began to wonder. As long as I am happy, in my own way, then let me be.

Not that I am alone all the time though. I do have company... but recently, I became very selective. Its my preference. I befriend only people whom I truly trusted. Tested and trusted. People like this are indeed a rare breed, especially in this 'dog eats dog' world. Be trustworthy, be open and be reliable... the only three things that I cherish in any friendship or relationship.

After so many paragraphs written, I still can't recall my 'laughing' moments... or me at my peak of happiness. O gosh... this is bad, really bad. How can I not recalling any? Sigh. I'll try to think hard tonight and post it some other time. I will.

Kalambicara is thinking hard to recall the happy moments...tick tock tick tock tick tock!!