Thursday, February 7, 2008

Damn it! Damn it!

I am so pissed off today. Things that I already foresee will happen is now happening. Shit! I knew it! I knew it!

So far, throughout these years of living in this real world, my instinct never failed me. My intuitive signals to-date is always correct.

But, still... out of being convinced by other matters, I disregard my instinct. Also, due to the inavailability of other choices.

And today, it is well proven, again, as always, my instinct is right! I am utterly upset.

Upset to the point that upon arriving at work today, my eye dam broke. It burst uncontrollably. Naturally. Alone at my table. Until my staff arrived that I tried hard to hold back my tears.

I had four meetings to attend before lunch today. One of it was obviously on the subject matter that triggered my upsetness... and I had to swallow it, come what may. Damn! Damn! Damn!

I don't know how else to be firm and assertive on certain matters. Yes, being in this corporate world for so many years, I know its a 'dog eats dog' world... but being me, I am always obedient and complacent, to the point that I ended up being the victim (I think!).

Though there are others who advised me to take it positively, its all about the learning process, that work is part of 'the ibadah', the sharing of knowledge and experience, bla bla bla... God Almighty knows it all, etc etc... but dear all, tell me, tell me now, please, who is suffering here? It is still me, the one and only, yours truly, and no one else. Period.

Enough... I better stop my ramblings. Apart from letting it off my chest, letting my steam out, it gets no where. The more I pursue, the more I'm hurt, and its all affecting me and my mind, personally, not anyone else. Easier said than done...

Thus, I guess this is it. This is part of life...of working life, to be exact. This is the reality. This is not fantasy. And I have to take the burden, so its not worth pondering much... it will upset me more.

Kalambicara needs to start work now that lunch hour is almost over... sob! sob!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

In the corporate world, one cannot take whatever happens in the bosrdroom/meeting room personally. Focus on the work or aspects of it which is being discussed. Emotion(s) has no place in the boardroom. It is important to know when to back down or back off. Strive to be dispassionate but firm. Know that decisions arrived at collectively cannot all be in our favour or as how we would wish them to be. (4 meetings in a day? Phew!!)

Anonymous said...

If you are being asked to take on extra work, when you are already overloaded just say:
1)Gee,I wish I can assist but I already have 3 items due at that same time, or
2)Thanks for your confidence in me but my current workload doesn't allow me to assist you within the time that you need it.

Of course, if you are being asked to do something on the eve of a holiday or at the end of a long hard day , just say:
1)OK. I'll start on it as soon as I come in tomorrow, or once office opens after the holiday break.