Wednesday, August 19, 2009
What transpires me to write today, now? Of course.. its anger, frustration, you name it... all the negativities.
Aaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!!! GGGGrrrrrrrr!!! My claws are coming out now.... beware!
Actually I have no intention of writing or expressing matters yet, just to inform that I am coming back, beginning today.
We'll talk again later as today I got no mood to ponder, just to express 'geram'!
Till then....Kalambicara is trying hard to cool down...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Got two more days before my last physical day here at my present workplace. Thus, so much things need to be accomplished and been requested politely to do some tasks. Since I am heading a department, I can understand that its not easy for them at this crucial time of the year. So, being nice, I comply. I want to leave in good faith, leave sweet memories and most importantly to leave a mark. I believe I had achieve that in my tenure here for the last 2 years and 3 months. I have established self niche that is known throughout the organisation on some of my deliverables. Thats fine and sufficient too, me think so. :)
Why am I leaving? Well, frankly I thought this will be my last workplace before I retire, the ending of my career with fixed income. I truly enjoy what I am doing now plus the fact that the company is paying for my doctorate studies. The only setback was that I missed the adrenalin rush in my body. A resource centre is cool and so laid back, contradict to corporate communications which is very fast moving, hectic and so diverse. You also got a chance to go out of the office a lot and establish contacts aplenty. After all, corporate communications and public relations is my forte. Other most important reason is that I am going to somewhere much more secure, in its establishment and also its perks. I hope that the greener pastures that I have decided to go is really green. Insyaallah.
Enough said, the time has come for me to bid farewell to the acquitances that I met here. Should our path cross in future, let us acknowledge each other the good way. Wish me luck in my new endeavour...
Kalambicara has yet to clear most of her belongings here, gtg now..
Monday, February 2, 2009
Btw two of my close friends mother passed away in January, at the time when both were not around. One was outstation and missed the funeral and the other one was not home when it happened. Condolences to both of you, my dear friends (you know who you are). AlFatihah to both aruah.
A colleague of mine, Yati, tagged me at my Facebook with 25 Random Things. I hereby cut and paste my response here too. Well, at least I have one posting today he he... So here it is:
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the application, then click publish.)
Yati tagged me. So Yati... heres my responses :) ...
1. I missed my youngest nephew, Hasif Zahin (1yr 3mths old), sooo much. Sayang, sayang Ayong...! This year, I will get another two more new additions to our family, Insyaallah.
2. I never had enough of holidays at the beach at any island. If possible, I want to go swimming in the sea every weekend.
3. I want to take one month off to go to an island, just to swim in the sea during the day and write a book at night. Can I do this fully paid by the company? Or any publisher? Nay...!
4. I dislike changing the bedsheet just because its too tiring to handle the heavy mattress, unless of course someone does it for me. (Pls do not get me wrong, I like fresh bedsheet and like to shop for bedsheet and had plenty of bedsheets at home, just tired of doing the changing, thats all.)
5. I don't know when I can clear the clutters in my bedroom, the piles are getting thicker each day. Semua benda pun I sayang... so camner? Keep procrastinating la jawabnya...
6. I wish that I have lots of money to settle all my debts and dispose the credit cards. I want to be a debt-free individual. (But of course not for the house and car loan, mana mampu daa..)
7. Its been so difficult for me to choose a handbag that I really like. I have been using the Lollipop handbag for almost two years already, dah naik kusam. Though ada la beli satu dua, but then tak suka and hand down to my sis... The ones that I like are mostly way off my budget... so kena sabor dulu.
8. I have not started anything on my PhD research yet, except the earlier proposal. Mati la first review with my supervisor end of March ni.
9. I am not a morning person. I always sleep again after the Subuh prayer. (I know this is not good.) When will I be a good sister or daughter and start preparing breakfast for everyone?
10. I have never been to the Berjaya Times Square since it opened. I would like to go there at least once.
11. I am looking forward to go to Pavillion, window shopping at least but nobody at home wants to accompany me yet. (Not that I can't go alone, but two is better than one, right?)
12. I like jungle trekking and had tracked most of the paths at Frazers Hill and Cameron Highlands and some paths in Bagan Lalang, Gombak, etc. In addition, I have been into caves and river excursions.
13. I have tried white water rafting and enjoyed it so much, especially in Sg. Pedas near Tenom Valley in Beaufort, Sabah. The scenery was awesomely magnificent and the train ride was such an experience. My adrenalin rushed like a broken dam!
14. I love snorkeling and never had enough of the wonderful underwater world. How I wish I can take diving as well ...but my heart condition now does not allow me to do all the above mentioned activities...hu hu... (unless curi-curi buat ssshh!)
15. I like to bake and try new recipes, but of late its been quite some time that I bake something. Sheer laziness eh? Not so lah. I usually take a good rest over the weekend since my health condition does not permit me to be hyperactive like before. What to do?
16. I have just finished reading 'Eat, Love and Pray' by Elizabeth Gilbert and 'Twilight' by Stephanie Myers. Now I am reading 'Love in the Time of Cholera' by Gabriel Garcia Marquez and 'New Moon' by Stephanie Myers. I read two books alternately at a time, thats my style.
17. I always do two things at one time i.e two focus. Its my nature of doing things as far as I remember. Eg. Studying while listening to music, watching television while browsing the internet, eating while watching television, bathing and exercising lightly in the bathroom, YM while in a meeting, browsing the internet in between writing a report and so on... he he he
18. I enjoy reading biodata of successful people, see pictures of the lifestyles of the rich and famous and always dream to be among one of them one fine day. (In my dream la...kan?) First biodata that I read was of Lee Iococca when I was in Form 4 (found in my uncle's room) and later when I was in my first year of varsity, I read again, borrowed from my auntie-in-law. Still remember the orange colour cover of the book with bold white title... So inspiring.
19. Sometimes I missed my late father so much and used to cry alone in my room (especially when theres slight hiccups in the family and I just could not shoulder anymore...huhu) or while driving especially near or on Father's Day when the radio deejays keep talking about fathers stuff etc. sob! sob!
20. I can watch channel 703 Asian Food Channel at Astro over and over. Same goes to channel 707 Travel and Living. But, I dislike the tatoo program such as Miami Ink, London Ink etc... what the heck do they show that when Malaysians mainly Muslim are not allowed to do so... still its on air... apa raa! Anyway, I am an ardent fan of Astro's documentary channels.
21. I love Japanese food so much. Never had enough of those sushis, bento set, unagi, miso soup, teppanyaki, california rolls, temaki...etc. My niece, Nur Naily Aishah, 5 years old, also likes sushi so much.
22. I need some money to renovate my kitchen. The previous extension has now shown some defects and needs renovation and upgrading asap. Money, money, money... (hum like Donald Trump's The Apprentice).
23. I know I am in need of an operation (may be two op) but I keep procrastinating to go for the check-up and consultancy at an established hospital. I know the company will be paying, but I think so much of the after effect, me not be around at work for long, etc. Must clear my mind on this and make the move fast.
24. I have never been to Europe and Down Under (incl. NZ) and wanted so much to go there but when and how and again the five letter words, signature of Donald Trump's programme...he he.
25. I really really really wish that I get the chance and sufficient funding to go for Umrah this year with my family. Insyaallah.
Phew! This tagging business is becoming like a self realization session pulak... Actually I need not be so frank there, but being me, honesty is my policy. So I guess, now most of you know my traits eh... whatever!
Kalambicara got to go off now... till then!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Listed below are some of the things that have affected my well being in year 2008...
1. My contract for service as the Corporate Communications Consultant expired in January and I was then offered to head a new department known as the Knowledge Resource Centre. Like it or not, I took the challenge or else I will be jobless. And I truly am thankful to Allah swt for this opportunity. Being an avid reader, I feel like a fish in water, I blended well with library matters and learning the management of library/resource centre based on the job training. I love what I am doing now, seriously am, though my forte is Corporate Communications. Never before I look highly at librarians as I am now. Thinking back, I should have taken Library or Information Science instead of Mass Communications during my degree days... but again, everything happened for a reason and only Allah swt knows whats best for us, right? Whatever, I am a happy person now.
2. Due to my tight work schedule, I did not manage to give part time lectures to college students like I used to do before, thrice a week for evening classes. Soru miss sikit laa... Anyhow, I am so touched when two of my previous students came to see me prior to them departing to pursue studies abroad. They said, "Miss, we need to see you. We need to get your blessings." I am so touched. Indeed teaching/lecturing profession is something great. Now one of them is in the US and another in New Zealand. Both doing Corporate Communications. Btw fyi subjects that I used to teach are Corporate Communications, Brand Management, Contemporary Advertising, Customer Relations and Mass Media & Society.
3. My application to pursue Phd was successful when my proposal was accepted in July and I am now a doctorate student of UTM. Just settled my formal registration last week. Got my own student matric card, library access card, etc. It definitely is going to be a hectic year ahead, I know for sure. Actually its funny to think of my studying path. I had my degree in Mass Communications majoring in Public Relations. Then I continued with a Masters in Business Administration and now am pursuing Doctorate in Computer Science - focusing in Information Security. Three different areas altogother. May Allah swt provides me a smooth path in learning and completing my research. Amin.
4. I went to Bali for holidays with four of my colleagues and later called ourselves 'Geng Lulur' simply because we merrily went for spa together excitedly since some of us had never been to a spa before. Also because our hotel was next to a mini mart which sells very cheap lulur and every night we went there to 'borong' them till the shelves were empty and the shop owner did not manage to replenish them timely. Bali was great, beautiful, serene and so natural. I love everything about Bali. I will definitely go there again.
5. Went to Cherating a few times and got so hooked with Hai Peng Kopitiam in Kemaman. Had a bliss with my niece and nephews on the beach. I want to note here that Impiana Cherating is one great hotel with spacious room and an ambience so cozy and homely. The beach front is beautiful too. I love the satar, the keropok lekor and the nasi dagang there in Kemaman. An evening in Kuala Kemaman with the sweet and salty breeze from the sea and smells of freshly boiled keropok lekor, grilled satar and otak-otak really entice me and makes me longed to go there again soonest possible.
6. Escaped to Tioman Island with an ex-colleague, just the two of us, and had what I called a real holiday, without any disturbance from office. Why? Because of no coverage, thus no emails received via my blackberry and so no worries at all of office matters. The island hopping was great, the snorkeling was fun and satisfying, the water was crystal clear, the underwater world was magnificent and so magical, I was mesmerised. I spent most of my time in the sea than in the chalet. Indeed I felt so relief, fresh and anew after this escapade. I am really a water person (is there such statement eh?)!
7. Office politics, resignation of top guns, arrival of newcomers, bragging of their past achievements and success stories elsewhere, noviceness of some superiors on certain matters, lackadaisical attitude of some staff, backbitting, ass licking and all the likes, really created a momentum at work. Some times we were so pissed off and other times we were accepting and learning to shut off. Whatever, its all part and parcel of a workplace situational analysis and organisational behaviour. Anywhere, its the same. There is a choice, take it or leave it. Not standing on the fence and be a hypocrite. My only plea is that hopefully no talking or complaining or gossiping about matters like these anymore. Or rather, do not share with me. I do not want to know, do not want to hear. It gets nowhere. It just gets me wanna vomit. I just want to do my work and achieve my departmental KPI. Period.
8. Took my mum and sisters for a holiday in Langkawi. Had a wonderful time shopping. Yes, shopping. That was indeed the plan. Apart from visiting some historical places, of course. But, still the main agenda then was shopping. We, or rather my mum, really shopped till she dropped tired. Poor mum, did a lot of walking in Langkawi than in her lifetime, I guess. Bought some Corelle crockeries (to add to our existing collection of European Herbs), some Corningware caseroles of the same theme, about two dozens of batik sarong, a Scholl sandal for me, a Clark sandal for adik, lots of chocolates and three perfumes; J'dore by CD, Princess by Vera Wang and Incredible Me by Escada. Adik was the happiest. She bought the Clark sandal on her own and she ate chocolates there like drinking water... seriously she had chocolates for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Also during morning break, tea break and supper... in fact, she only stopped when shes asleep! She was so hyperactive then. Not like when shes at home... We really had a bliss in Langkawi and I am glad that I managed to make this vacation in Langkawi a reality. We went with just two luggage but came back with seven. Thank God that it was MAS and not AirAsia or else we will have so much to pay for the check-in bags/boxes.
9. I had the opportunity to meet Tun Mahathir and Tun Siti Hasmah during the recent Workshop on Leadership for Librarians and Information Professionals, held at the Perdana Leadership Foundation. I also had a chance to ask Tun Mahathir a question during 0ne of the sessions and put my company's name in the limelight. The best was when I managed to speak one-to-one and face-to-face with both Tun Mahathir and Tun Siti Hasmah. Plus, had my pictures taken just the two of us, with each of them and later with both of them. Also, got both of them to sign my caricature book of them (written by Eu Yu) which I brought all the way from home and received a personalised wishes from both Tuns written nicely. Am contented. Am impressed with Tun Mahathir's ideas, opinions and reading habits. Am amazed with Tun Siti Hasmah's gracefulness, an etiquette to master by all ladies. Such a lovely intellectual couple. Great idols. It made me think... how I wish I will grow old being brilliant and articulate and able to think well like them...
10. I thought I have found love again in 2008. Now I guess it was just infatuation. I was never lucky in love. There were times when you felt you were needed but there were also times when you felt that you were being ignored. I felt both, at one point. Now I just couldn't be bothered anymore. Enough is enough. Having all those feelings made me become a dreamer. I tend to put aside many things that I needed to do and I spent most of my time by just lying down and let myself float. Float, float and away...! (I actually fell asleep dreaming!) It was indeed not healthy. It was my sheer imaginations and self created feelings. I became lazy. I was in my own world. World full of fantasy. No promises and no future. Its just me and the knight in shining armour. The one that touched my heart then. Huh! Thank God, I came to realization fast. The knight was not actually the Prince Charming. May be not yet. I quickly came back to reality. I will never let myself into this again. No, no, no... this is utterly ridiculous. I am not a teenager anymore. Thinking back, that experience really evoke my senses, make me realized certain things and most of all, it made me more mature and a much better person.
Ok, I guess my 10 points is sufficient to end year 2008. A chapter is about to be closed. Many more things did happened but let it be my self-kept stories. A new chapter is about to begin in less than half an hour. Goodbye 2008! Lets embark into year 2009 with big great strides...
Kalambicara is rushing to watch the countdown of the new year on tv... till we meet again in 2009... Cheers!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Anyway, I guess it is not too late for me to wish all my Muslim readers Salam Maal Hijrah 1430. Today is already the second day of Muharam, new month of the new year in the Muslim's calendar.
Hopefully this year will be a much better year for me and also for my family. I do have some resolutions, some things to achieve, some dreams to be fulfilled and some missions to be accomplished. Insyaallah I will strive hard and with blessings from Allah SWT, the road ahead will be with less or no obstacles.
A friend once said that sometimes Allah breaks our spirit to save our soul. He breaks our heart to make us whole. He sends us pain so we can be stronger. He sends us failure to make us humbler. He sends us illness so we can take care of ourselves. Sometimes Allah takes everything from us so we can learn the value of everything He's given us... Allah is great!
So dear all muslims, Salam Maal Hijrah 1430. May all that you wish for in the new year come true! Amin! Insyaallah!
Kalambicara is signing off with fresh new hopes and wishes for the new year 1430H...
Monday, November 3, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
1. Along the route, at different locations, I came across three proton saga cars crawling worst than tortoises in a fast lane. One was talking on a handphone. Another was smoking with one hand out, shaking off the ashes of the cigarette butt on and off. The final one was just sight seeing I guess cos' there were no cars at all in front of him, and he was taking the damn sweet time observing the scenery along the road, in a fast lane and couldn't care less about me tailing! My question: Why these type of human beings drive a Proton Saga? It enhances the bad reputation of the brand name whereas the driver(s) should be at fault. Sigh.
2. I got 6 messages coming in my handphone while driving and a few calls non stop ringing. Hello, I am driving and will never slow down to read messages or answer to calls and I do not like to wear a handsfree, can't stand the little speakers in my ears. Also, even if I on the speaker, I can't really hear well (my music is at full blast, of course!) and I do not want to look like an insane driver, speaking to oneself (though I do not mind singing out loud, tapping my fingers on the steering, tapping my feet on the pedal and/or shaking my head left and right while driving). Hey, its my principles ok? Unless, if the hp keeps on ringing like a zillion times, then I will signal and stop by the roadside. On top of it all, my blackberry too was non stop buzzing and the red signals keep blinking, meaning emails or messsages are coming in, non-stop. Aiyo... so tension ma... tak sampai office lagi, baru pukul 8.55 am dah ada 23 emails and needed my response. Phew!
3. I was thinking hard of the departmental KPI (Key Performance Indicators) and its evaluation next week. I have solid justifications for two of the eight initiatives that was rated a bit low but for me to say it out loud during the evaluation session will affect the well being of my superiors. Some of the delays were due to changes after changes and finally back to the first one, without taking into consideration on time. Time is the essence. The undecisiveness and 'not that great decisions' (don't want to say lousy, though it actually is 'lousy decisions') affect my departmental performance. And, worst still, I have to answer and rebutt, me...moi... ok!
4. One of my staff is giving me problems. I found out that a few things were not done accordingly. I do not see the urgency in accomplishing work. A few completed tasks were later found incomplete, wrong, not as briefed (though I saw notes were taken during the briefing) and the list goes on. I had spoken to this staff, not once but thrice... and still I found the errors. What more, tasks assigned to this staff, was never submitted on time. Procrastinate or forgetful or plain novice of what deadline is? Looks like I need to slowtalk again... but till when... tak reti2 ke... tak faham, tak tahu...tanye laa. As a result of this staff incapabilities and not meeting my standards (he he I ada benchmark and expectations of my team), another staff keep complaining to me because this person got to redo the other persons wrongdoings or uncomplete tasks or merely plain rechecking, out of curiousity after a few errors found. Marah la yg sorang ni. And, telinga mak ni dah tak larat nak dengar...tu yg mak pikir-pikir sampai menjerit sekuat hati dlm keter tuh. Adus!
5. I plan to go for a 3D2N holiday in Singapore this December. Imagine, my last trip there was in 1990! Need to book Tiger Airways asap if I am really going. But I am contemplating now. I have always wanted to go to New Zealand (NZ). And now, NZ dollar is lower than Singapore Dollar, pikir2 its better to go to NZ. Accomomodation, I have a friend doing PhD there and she keeps pestering me to visit her. Now I am confused. This year I only managed to go to Bali, Cherating and Tioman Island. On top of this all, last night I rasa terpanggil seruan Ilahi... so rasa nak gi Mekah. Seriously. Am not kidding. Never felt this before. A few days ago pun dah rasa and had told Flower Girl about it. Now ni musim haji and a few of my relatives and friends are going. Lagi terasa lak. Dok jalan2 seantero dunia, Mekah tak penah pegi lagi..huhuhu. Feel so bad pulak. Kalau mum tau, sure lagi dia nasi tambah, he he he. So camner, am a bit confused now. Last2 ni, sure tak ke mana2. To umrah, kena lepas musim haji nanti la... tahun depan la Insyaallah.
Alamak! Panjang la pulak posting ni jadik. Dari nak lepas geram je, konon satu para je... thats normal me la... in fact, kalau dibiarkan I can go on writing everything that is in my head now. Ni pun banyak I control macho dan tapis, buat mental screening. Kalau tidak satu dunia akan mengenali isi perut ku...mua ha ha ha.
Feel good now... Out of my chest dah, lega sikit. Masalah tu tetap ada, but sekurang-kurangnya I tak rasa tertekan sangat. Insyaallah I can manage and handle with care. Selalunya fitrah Kalambicara ni, risau je lebih, lepas tu kacang je... bak kata one of my seniors and roommate (for three semesters) masa belajar dulu, "You ni suka je risau, suka je nyusahkan diri, benda tak der ape. Lepas tu semuanya you boleh solve nanti. Tak faham I!" Yes, Kak Ju (Juliana Omar, formerly with Bernama, now with Petronas), I ingat tu. :)
Kalambicara is sigining off with high hopes that all will be settled and overcomed smoothly, Insyaallah.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
My point... today I uphold these two names with dignity. Pantang I ialah bila seseorang tu boleh kata I macam-macam which are not true and exaggerated, straight to my face or behind my back, and I got to know it... jangan harap I boleh ketawa2 lagi dengan orang tu...Worst still, if that person(s) can tegur2 and talk to me like nothing happened before.
I am no hypocrite. How can I joke, have fun or even eat and be merry with you when earlier you said things so much about me. I know this is not about me personally but still it affects me and my well being. I will not forget. The wound maybe will heal but the scar will always be there. I reiterate: I can never forget. Can never erase it from my thoughts. It will be embedded in my mind. Yes, I am hurt. And, I will not forget those untrue things that you said to me especially on my work performance. Hello... how do you measure? I do not want to blame you but I do have all the justifications, reasons and evidences. Dare you tell lies...!
As a result to all these hulaboo... I just cannot make myself smile with you anymore, let alone to talk about things other than work. So, I made up my mind, not to join lunch as organised today. Honestly, I do not know the purpose of this luncheon, it was quite abrupt and out of the blues. Whatever, I just do not have the heart to go, thats all. Period. I have come to the point already. No regrets. No turning back. Come what may...
Kalambicara is a bit upset with some matters and words expressed by some people today...gtg