Aaaarrrggghhh!!!

Today, on my way to office, while driving, I was screaming my heart out. Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

Reasons:

1. Along the route, at different locations, I came across three proton saga cars crawling worst than tortoises in a fast lane. One was talking on a handphone. Another was smoking with one hand out, shaking off the ashes of the cigarette butt on and off. The final one was just sight seeing I guess cos' there were no cars at all in front of him, and he was taking the damn sweet time observing the scenery along the road, in a fast lane and couldn't care less about me tailing! My question: Why these type of human beings drive a Proton Saga? It enhances the bad reputation of the brand name whereas the driver(s) should be at fault. Sigh.

2. I got 6 messages coming in my handphone while driving and a few calls non stop ringing. Hello, I am driving and will never slow down to read messages or answer to calls and I do not like to wear a handsfree, can't stand the little speakers in my ears. Also, even if I on the speaker, I can't really hear well (my music is at full blast, of course!) and I do not want to look like an insane driver, speaking to oneself (though I do not mind singing out loud, tapping my fingers on the steering, tapping my feet on the pedal and/or shaking my head left and right while driving). Hey, its my principles ok? Unless, if the hp keeps on ringing like a zillion times, then I will signal and stop by the roadside. On top of it all, my blackberry too was non stop buzzing and the red signals keep blinking, meaning emails or messsages are coming in, non-stop. Aiyo... so tension ma... tak sampai office lagi, baru pukul 8.55 am dah ada 23 emails and needed my response. Phew!

3. I was thinking hard of the departmental KPI (Key Performance Indicators) and its evaluation next week. I have solid justifications for two of the eight initiatives that was rated a bit low but for me to say it out loud during the evaluation session will affect the well being of my superiors. Some of the delays were due to changes after changes and finally back to the first one, without taking into consideration on time. Time is the essence. The undecisiveness and 'not that great decisions' (don't want to say lousy, though it actually is 'lousy decisions') affect my departmental performance. And, worst still, I have to answer and rebutt, me...moi... ok!

4. One of my staff is giving me problems. I found out that a few things were not done accordingly. I do not see the urgency in accomplishing work. A few completed tasks were later found incomplete, wrong, not as briefed (though I saw notes were taken during the briefing) and the list goes on. I had spoken to this staff, not once but thrice... and still I found the errors. What more, tasks assigned to this staff, was never submitted on time. Procrastinate or forgetful or plain novice of what deadline is? Looks like I need to slowtalk again... but till when... tak reti2 ke... tak faham, tak tahu...tanye laa. As a result of this staff incapabilities and not meeting my standards (he he I ada benchmark and expectations of my team), another staff keep complaining to me because this person got to redo the other persons wrongdoings or uncomplete tasks or merely plain rechecking, out of curiousity after a few errors found. Marah la yg sorang ni. And, telinga mak ni dah tak larat nak dengar...tu yg mak pikir-pikir sampai menjerit sekuat hati dlm keter tuh. Adus!

5. I plan to go for a 3D2N holiday in Singapore this December. Imagine, my last trip there was in 1990! Need to book Tiger Airways asap if I am really going. But I am contemplating now. I have always wanted to go to New Zealand (NZ). And now, NZ dollar is lower than Singapore Dollar, pikir2 its better to go to NZ. Accomomodation, I have a friend doing PhD there and she keeps pestering me to visit her. Now I am confused. This year I only managed to go to Bali, Cherating and Tioman Island. On top of this all, last night I rasa terpanggil seruan Ilahi... so rasa nak gi Mekah. Seriously. Am not kidding. Never felt this before. A few days ago pun dah rasa and had told Flower Girl about it. Now ni musim haji and a few of my relatives and friends are going. Lagi terasa lak. Dok jalan2 seantero dunia, Mekah tak penah pegi lagi..huhuhu. Feel so bad pulak. Kalau mum tau, sure lagi dia nasi tambah, he he he. So camner, am a bit confused now. Last2 ni, sure tak ke mana2. To umrah, kena lepas musim haji nanti la... tahun depan la Insyaallah.

Alamak! Panjang la pulak posting ni jadik. Dari nak lepas geram je, konon satu para je... thats normal me la... in fact, kalau dibiarkan I can go on writing everything that is in my head now. Ni pun banyak I control macho dan tapis, buat mental screening. Kalau tidak satu dunia akan mengenali isi perut ku...mua ha ha ha.

Feel good now... Out of my chest dah, lega sikit. Masalah tu tetap ada, but sekurang-kurangnya I tak rasa tertekan sangat. Insyaallah I can manage and handle with care. Selalunya fitrah Kalambicara ni, risau je lebih, lepas tu kacang je... bak kata one of my seniors and roommate (for three semesters) masa belajar dulu, "You ni suka je risau, suka je nyusahkan diri, benda tak der ape. Lepas tu semuanya you boleh solve nanti. Tak faham I!" Yes, Kak Ju (Juliana Omar, formerly with Bernama, now with Petronas), I ingat tu. :)

Kalambicara is sigining off with high hopes that all will be settled and overcomed smoothly, Insyaallah.